Friday, December 31, 2010
pajama catalogs on this planet where we live. it's funny because the word "tips" also means like "pieces of advice" and that's what it looks like the one person is forcing on the other person.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
this has been such a crazy month that i've been too busy to celebrate our birthday! the first schoolpants post was on December 3, 2008. we've been doing this two years now! can you believe it? i sort of can. but not all the way. two years seems like a long time. i once spent two years in prison. no i didn't. i think i was thinking of someone else. but i once kept a blog alive for two years. oh yeah, that's what we were just talking about. anyway. congratulations to you and me. and to schoolpants. TO SCHOOLPANTS! (and then we all cheers)
for no real reason, i'll go months at a time where i wear deodorant everyday. then, also for no real reason, i'll go months at a time where i don't wear it. as of late, i've been going through a "no-deodorant" phase. but today at work, i was sweating a lot and boy did my armpits smell like chicken noodle soup! tomorrow, the new "yes-deodorant" phase begins!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
hey gang! merry christmas! here's a christmas movie for your enjoyment. if you enjoy extremely weird videos. WARNING: if you're my mom, i think you should know there are bad words in this movie. watch at your own discretion. if you are my sister or brother, please don't show this video to my nephews and girl-nephews.
i stink at complaining.
good news" a lot.
so i'll tell you: my friends brian and george gave me this for my birthday. at first glance, it's just a foot that somebody cut off of a cow. big deal, right? but there's more to it than that! it's ALSO a wine bottle AND it has a strap. so you can fill it with wine and take it on the go! passersby think you're just wearing a lucky cow's foot around your neck but in REALITY, you're drunk in public! it's a win-win!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Then I made sure to shove in the face of every single person at the party, so that no one felt left out. "Look what it says!" I would shout, "It says booze because that's what it is! It's from a bottle of booze!" I said "get it?!" a lot to make sure that each person got it. A lot of people said, "yeah, I get it" but they didn't laugh. They'd just sort of roll their eyes or push me away. I guess they were just embarrassed that they didn't get it. That's the tough part about being the hilarious person at a party. Sometimes your sense of humor is just way too sophisticated. You have to remember that not everybody "gets" everything. And you have to remember not to call them stupid idiots when they don't "get" a hilarious joke. And then you have to remember that you can't take that bottle of wine with you when they kick you out of the party. And then you have to remember not to cry when they all call YOU the stupid idiot after you tell them you don't want that wine anyway because it expired two years ago.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Then the drought came. We didn't play a show for weeks. The band announced an official hiatus. We hated to do it, but we knew the show couldn't go on without rain water. We discussed having some shipped in from a nearby rainy town, but we worried our hardcore local fans would see this as "selling out."
When the rains came again, the band talked about doing more shows. But the more we talked about it, the easier it was for us all to admit that we didn't really like drinking dirty cigarette rain water on account of it tasted yucky. We tried to do a show without drinking any dirty cigarette rain water, but it didn't really go so well. Backstage, after the show, I was feeling pretty down. I just kept going over the show in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong. I guess part of the reason no one liked us was because none of us actually knew how to play music. Plus we didn't have any instruments. Then I remembered that no one liked our shows before drought, either. And come to think of it, I was never in a band called Dirty Cigarette Rain Water. And wait a minute, is this backstage or a mental hospital?
I guess the life of big-time rockstar is just bound to be full of tough questions.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
awhile ago, i found an old dime that looks like this one and it was from 1942, but i like this one better because it's older and 37 is my favorite number.
for months, i've been taunted by billboards advertising beer in these oddly intriguing aluminum pint bottles. and for months these beers have been nowhere to be found. but guess what gang: they DO exist. the coors light ones do anyway. still no sign of the miller lite aluminum pint bottles.