Monday, January 31, 2011
he knew i was lying but still couldn't figure it out. to be honest, i don't know how skype is possible either. video chat is crazy and futuristic and beyond my realm of understanding. but i loved that luke's first idea is that i had recorded my half of the conversation in the past. kids are awesome.
also kelly and jesse don't go to school there anymore?
that was a weird episode.
- DREAMS DO COME TRUE!
- AND YOUR POINT IS?
- LIVIN' LARGE AND TAKIN' CHARGE
but they cost like $3 extra so i was like "No way hose A! Maybe when i'm a millionaire."
then, about a second later, "i'm an idiot," i thought.
bajillion is not a real word.
but you want to know the weird part? i UNDERSTAND what that says. i don't know how, but i do! and i really need that thing they are selling!
and i didn't understand. so technically it's true. but i feel like it's cheating because it doesn't really make sense. i don't know what "it" is. so of course i don't understand.
i want to make a bumper sticker that says "it is a thing. you wouldn't understand." no one could argue with that bumper sticker.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
that's like if i said "buy any schoolpants t-shirt and save up to $1.4 million when you buy the entire blog. but just kidding, you can't."
it doesn't make sense.
incidentally, if you have a lot of money and want this blog, please email me at Schoopants@gmail.com
Friday, January 21, 2011
some people just aren't ashamed of their emotions i guess. i don't know. i don't get it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"drool?" i asked.
"yes, dander." i was told.
"i thought dander was like their hair and stuff. like dandruff. i figured dander and dandruff shared a latin root."
"nope. dander is spit."
and like a sucker, i totally believed it.
i believed it all the way up until just now when i looked up "dander" in the dictionary and found the definition:
specifically : minute scales from hair, feathers, or skin that may act as allergens
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The guards were at a loss. Then one day, a young doctor by the name of Randy Seuss wrote to the penitentiary describing a radical new medical procedure he had been researching. He was hoping to test it on animals and/or prisoners. At that time, the prison no longer held animals but they were more than happy to donate Patrick.
In 2006, the project lost it's funding and doctors were forced to thaw Patrick and release him into the wild with little to no direction at all.
Another theory I have about my friend Patrick, and I don't have as much proof to back this one up, is that if you can catch him while he's chewing on your hair when you're sleeping, he has to give you a gold coin. I've almost caught him twice.
the only thing i can think of to rationalize it is that maybe the person who runs the youtube search engine has a best friend named amy butler.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I can't figure out what the dream is supposed to mean. I don't have much trouble at all getting my contacts in my eyes in real life, so why in dream life? What is my sub-brain trying to tell my upstairs-brain? Any dream interpreters out there? Let me know what you think. Or at least leave some smart-alecky joke comments, anyway.