schoolpants

saucer eyes

2012-01-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

i don't know who this guy is. i drew him. but. i don't know.

trix rabbit

2012-01-31T23:53:00.000-08:00

my dad made this when he was a kid. i like it a lot. i don't like it that the kids never gave the trix rabbit any trix. i think that was mean. it would've been okay if they were like "no, trix are to rabbits what chocolate is to dogs! we're depriving you of trix for your own good, bunny!" but no. they just dismissed him as a "silly" rabbit. to this day, whether they ask for trix or not, every time i see a rabbit i offer it trix. or twix. they almost always prefer the twix. i would too, i suppose. unless it was breakfast time. i guess i just don't see a lot of rabbits around breakfast time. funny. come to think of it, i've NEVER seen a rabbit at breakfast time. what's the deal with THAT? maybe trix isn't for them.

soft

2012-01-31T23:43:00.000-08:00

i doodled this on a My Best Friend, My Butler script. i don't know what it means. i thought about it for awhile, hoping maybe it was something clever that my brain did without me knowing. but no such luck.

milty

2012-01-30T23:39:00.000-08:00

this is my girlfriend's blanket. it is called milty. milty the quilty. momo likes to hide in it.

disappearing act

2012-01-30T23:27:00.000-08:00

i think someone evaporated. or there's a naked person somewhere nearby. either way, be careful out there.

new my best friend my butler now in production

2012-01-30T08:42:00.000-08:00

did you guys hear we are working on a new episode of My Best Friend, My Butler? well it's true. so get excited about it.

momo high five

2012-01-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

momo appreciates me.

i stink at chess

2012-01-30T08:00:00.000-08:00

i stink at chess so dang bad. i don't even know why i bother playing every once in awhile. my computer knows how to play and i don't. and it makes me want to punch him in the stupid computer face. stinkin' jerk. i hate chess.

hand print

2012-01-30T06:12:00.000-08:00

I SLEPT ON MY HAND AND IT LEFT A HANDPRINT!

taking down the christmas tree

2012-01-29T17:08:00.000-08:00

taking down the christmas tree made emily so sad, she went and grew a beard.

momo's heart

2012-01-29T17:05:00.000-08:00

our cat is like a care bear.

christmas is over

2012-01-29T17:04:00.000-08:00

we finally put away the christmas decorations. it was hard putting this fella away. he didn't seem sad about though.

self-conscious sweater

2012-01-28T16:46:00.000-08:00

momo still feels a little self-conscious when he wears his tiny sweater at parties. i told him it made him look slimmer. he knew i was lying.

handwriting

2012-01-28T16:39:00.000-08:00

celeb sighting

2012-01-28T12:31:00.000-08:00

living in los angeles means that sometimes you get to hang out with celebrities

mo chases robot lasers

2012-01-28T11:48:00.000-08:00

oh man! i almost forgot to tell you guys! my sister-in-law trisha gave me a robot that shoots lasers all over the place to drive the cat nuts! it's awesome! i think momo likes it.

siri transcribes me singing

2012-01-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

my friend adam, formerly of wikibloogia fame, has a new blog that is really funny. he has a new iphone and it has a robot called Siri inside of it and if you talk to the robot, the robot can do things for you, like take dictation. so instead of using this amazing technology in a nerdy way, adam likes to sing classic songs to the robot and see how the robot types the song out. it's usually hilarious. i recommend checking it out. here: http://siritranscribesmesinging.wordpress.com/

self-portrait

2012-01-27T18:35:00.000-08:00

this is what i look like. sort of. not really. not at all actually. but i do have a face. and a head. and hair and a mouth and stuff. so this is sort of what i look like. what do you look like?

hide and seek part 4

2012-01-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

momo's up to his old tricks again. and killing me at hide and seek.

hand dryers

2012-01-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

i never thought i would nerd out about a hand dryer but these things are awesome. whenever i find myself in a bathroom with one of these bad boys, i get excited. like legitimately excited. they're just so great. a hand dryer that actually dries hands. it's so simple and efficient. it gives me hope for the future.

circle guys

2012-01-27T18:23:00.001-08:00

circle guys are fun to draw. just fyi.

Super Momo Bros.

2012-01-24T20:30:00.001-08:00

I taught Momo a new trick!

dinosaur butts

2012-01-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

Emily and I went to the Natural History Museum to see the Dinosaur Butt exhibit. It was really amazing. I mean we've got some really great books on dino-butts and we've read them cover to cover, but you don't really get a feel for just how big they are until you see the dinosaur skeletons pointing their butts at you.

looks like a face

2012-01-22T23:55:00.000-08:00

this looks like a face to me. a robot face. with a sega genesis for a hat. not just any hat. a robot beret. this robot face with robot beret sits next to my desk and looks at me. i put it there. but i did not mean for it to look like a face. it is a happy accident.

whirlpoo

2012-01-22T23:32:00.000-08:00

haaaaaaa. it says whirlpoo.

watching tv

2012-01-22T23:06:00.001-08:00

it's funny how sometimes just sitting on the couch watching the boob tube can really take so much out of you. momo is pooped.

worried beer foam man

2012-01-22T23:01:00.000-08:00

i got a beer the other day and in the foam, lived a worried little bubble man with no shirt, a big belt, and sort of a mermaid tail. i didn't want him to worry anymore, so i drank the beer as fast as i could. i think it worked. i stopped worrying about stuff too!

the laundry room

2012-01-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

the door to the laundry room says "loads of fun." get it? loads.

crazy dog

2012-01-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

this is the craziest dog i've ever seen. he was like 6 feet tall and had weird hair! and he had a british accent! this dog is crazy!

guess who!

2012-01-17T18:39:00.000-08:00

can you guess who i drew today? it's a pretty crummy drawing so i'll give you a hint. his character's name rhymed with Sister Smelvedere. first person to guess correctly wins absolutely nothing! Go!

momo the magic cat

2012-01-17T18:31:00.001-08:00

in 2012, momo turned into a magic cat.

2012 new year

2011-12-31T20:51:00.000-08:00

it's almost time for a new year. and that means a new theme.

new year's eve video

2011-12-31T19:40:00.000-08:00

The New Year's Kiss - watch more funny videos

here is a video i directed and edited for the good people of The Get Go, a sketch team that lives at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theatre in los angeles. happy new year!

ear lobes

2011-12-30T19:34:00.000-08:00

ear lobes are weird. just fyi.

the 7th floor

2011-12-30T13:03:00.000-08:00

i'm scared of the 7th floor. i've never been up there but i've heard plenty of rumors. apparently, if you ever go up there, you end up back in the lobby somehow, only everything is upside-down. and you're stuck in this upside down world. and if you go outside, you fall into the sky and get burned up in the earth's atmosphere.

uncle fudd

2011-12-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

this is my uncle fudd. he's ca-razzzzzy. but he sure knows how to party*.

*by party, i mean pretend an airplane is a horse.

they're both good

2011-12-29T23:51:00.000-08:00

guys, i don't want to start a big debate. i think both ketchup and mustard are great condiments. let's just leave it at that.

also, if you have a band called "ketchup" or "mustard" and want to use one of these as an album cover, you're welcome to it. i just ask for $100million. i think that's fair.

guinness float

2011-12-27T22:48:00.000-08:00

i made a guinness float. it seemed like a brilliant idea because i love guinness and i love iced creams. but i gotta tell ya, maybe halfway through, i was like, "get the hell outta my way, iced creams!"

christmas video

2011-12-25T21:14:00.000-08:00

SECRET SANTA OFFICE PARTY - EPISODE 3	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

here is a christmas video i directed. it's all improvised. MOM THERE ARE BAD WORDS IN THIS VIDEO DON'T WATCH IT!

Merry Christmas from Schoolpants

2011-12-25T17:09:00.000-08:00

Seasons Greetings from Schoolpants

from this airplane

2011-12-23T19:21:00.000-08:00

this is what chicago looks like:

and this is what indiana looks like:

i like these places. they are both good to look at from airplanes and both good to be in on foot.

darn cat

2011-12-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

i love this darn cat. i never much cared for cats until this little jerk befriended me. now i can't get enough of him.

all the best pops

2011-12-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

my parents have this pop machine in the garage. it is awesome. it has buttons for 7up, Diet 7up, Cherry 7up, Country Time Lemonade, RC Cola, Hawaiian Punch, Squirt, and Diet Rite. you know, all of the popular soda pops!
i don't know if you know how pop machines work, but we could put whatever kinds of soda pop in there that we wanted. we'd just have to remember to put notes on what soda was in what category. like you have to remember that to get a Mountain Dew you have to hit the RC Cola button. or whatever.
sometimes we'd put Country Time in where the Country Time was supposed to go. we liked Country Time. we went through a real phase with it. i don't know if they even make that stuff anymore. but i'll tell you what, a cold can of Country Time really hit the spot after a long jump on the tramp.
anyway, it was cool having a pop machine in our garage.
also, the tramp is what we called the trampoline.
we didn't jump on that dog from the disney movie.

helicopter bugs and toilet paper tubes

2011-12-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

last night i had a weird dream that there was this weird bug that was kind of shaped like a helicopter but he had bug skin and regular bug wings and he was green like a praying mantis and he was flying around in my parents basement and my brother told me to hit with a toilet paper tube and so i did and then it just flew around faster like it was mad. then my brother laughed and said watch out because those things spit blood and poison. and then i was like "oh crud" and so i was trying to stay away from it but it kept coming after me so i was using the toilet paper tube to defend myself but my girlfriend was worried and told me to stop fighting it because she didn't want me to get sprayed with blood and poison and my brother was just laughing the whole time. because it was probably pretty funny to watch. i wasn't mad at him. i kept thinking, "man, he's lucky. i bet this is hilarious to watch."

then i woke up. dreams are crazy.

flannel man

2011-12-17T18:54:00.000-08:00

Warning: A flannel man has been reported lurking about the house this morning. He was last seen eating cereal in front of the television. He is rumored to be bored and fairly sleepy. Be on the lookout!

serious question

2011-12-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

do cats not have spines?

embarrassing

2011-12-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

blockbuster, just admit defeat and give up. you're embarrassing yourself.

scrapey armpit

2011-12-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

ah, nothing scrapes the ol' armpit up quite like an almost empty stick of deodorant.

hot dog in trouble

2011-12-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

oh my god ... he's gonna ... he's gonna eat himself! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT HOT DOG!

the feast of st. nicholas

2011-12-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

when we were kids, we'd put our shoes out the night before st. nicholas day (december 6) and then when we woke up, there would be candy in our shoes. nowadays when i do it, my shoes are gone when i wake up. last year, my shoes were there, but they had rats living in them.

i don't know what happened to st nicholas between then and now but i'm worried about him.

full of it!

2011-12-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

i don't know anything about this woman or her product, but based on the label alone, i feel 100% confident that she is full of shit.

hot & fluffy

2011-12-06T18:27:00.000-08:00

this seems like probably the worst idea for anything ever.

baby sandworms

2011-12-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

i know they are really dangerous but i just can't help myself! baby sandworms are so darn cute!

weird flexibility

2011-12-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

how is this possible? momo's got the gumby arms.

no picture needed

2011-12-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

this seems a little more graphic than it needs to be. just say clean up after your dog. we know you mean poop.

cough drops

2011-12-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

my favorite kind of cough drops are the Larry Bird and Weightlifter Guy with the Lady Leg kind that i made. they taste like jolly ranchers because that's what they are.

hide and seek round 3

2011-12-04T22:26:00.000-08:00

nice try! i see you, Mo!

directions

2011-12-04T22:16:00.000-08:00

the future's wide open, friends! go wherever you want.

3 years of schoolpants

2011-12-03T20:51:00.000-08:00

Friends and Enemies: gather ye round! for this day, the 3rd day of the 12th month of the 11th year of the 21st century marks the 3rd anniversary of this, the schoolpants blog.

oh the memories we've had on this journey of three years! i don't remember any of them but i know they're there! i can just click on the archive and see the old junk and, well you get the picture. it's all documented in the internet!

thank you for reading all the stuff and watching all things and looking at all the other things. i'll keep doing it til i stop doing it. i love you. sort of.

long cat

2011-12-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

you probably didn't know this but Mo is a very long cat.

the importance of nose

2011-12-02T13:05:00.000-08:00

mickey mouse is utterly terrifying without his nose. with his nose? only somewhat terrifying.

men's stockings

2011-12-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

if you're looking for men's stockings & underwear, this place simply cannot be beat!

cat statue

2011-11-30T23:48:00.000-08:00

sometimes Mo likes to pretend to be a statue. he's pretty good at it.

dinosaur hands

2011-11-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

this is a thing i drew on my hand. should i get it permanently tattooed there?

koala cat

2011-11-30T22:51:00.000-08:00

Mo likes to pretend to be a koala sometimes. he's pretty good at it.

mouthwash & gargle

2011-11-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

i like when a product's name is also the instructions for use of the product.

baby pirate monsters

2011-11-30T22:30:00.000-08:00

they look cute, but they will chop you up and eat you if they get the chance. be careful out there.

hide and seek part 2

2011-11-30T21:22:00.000-08:00

mo's running out of great hiding spots, but he's still outwitting me.

hilarious sticker

2011-11-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

my hat's off to you, guy who puts stickers on things. there are a lot of stickers on a lot of things but this one is by far the funniest i have seen. i love you.

bimbo

2011-11-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

as far as i can tell this is a soccer player drinking out of a raptor's skull?

who is this guy?

2011-11-30T21:03:00.000-08:00

was there a character from a nintendo game or something that looked like this? am i crazy? who is this guy that i drew? he looks like somebody, right?

in case you were wondering

2011-11-30T21:00:00.000-08:00

sometimes Mo sits like this and looks at me.

this place

2011-11-30T20:58:00.000-08:00

this is a place i have been to zero times and driven past one time. stay tuned for more place where i have or have not been in or near.

sleepy kitty

2011-11-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

a sleepy kitty is a mighty mesmerizing thing to watch.

that aids test

2011-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

remember when we were kids and some of the kids would say that if you're hand is bigger than your face, then that means you have AIDS? And then when you put your hand up to your face to see if it was bigger and the other kid hits your hand so you smack yourself in the face?

i bet if you did that to a kid with AIDS he'd be PIIIIISSSSED.

last halloween

2011-11-30T20:19:00.000-08:00

this year, we didn't go as anything for halloween. but last year, me and my girlfriend looked like this for halloween.

weird mole

2011-11-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

i know. it's super weird looking. just whatever you do, don't call him muffin head. he HATES it when people call him muffin head.

about a 6

2011-11-30T19:58:00.000-08:00

on a scale from 1-10 with 1 being easy and 10 being hard and 6 being pretty hard, i'd say drawing a moving cat while not really looking at the computer and not really trying is about a 6.

adam's best friend HIS butler

2011-11-30T19:53:00.000-08:00

my robot drew this picture of my friends.

name that disease

2011-11-30T19:52:00.001-08:00

what's the name of that disease where it's your turn to talk but you can't think of anything at all to say and robot in your brain starts panicking and commanding you to speak and you don't know whether to run underneath the house and hide or just lie down on the floor and not move for a couple of days?

"the crazies?"

oh that's a good name for it.

toilet cat

2011-11-30T19:48:00.001-08:00

he's learning. he's almost got it.

sad accountant

2011-11-30T19:41:00.001-08:00

here's a video we made about a year ago. it is very sad. very sad. watch with a box of tissues:

Sad Accountant	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

29 and 1/4

2011-11-29T19:35:00.000-08:00

this is what i look like when i turn 29 1/4 years old.

turkey, bacon

2011-11-29T18:17:00.001-08:00

this is the turkey we ate on thanksgiving. emily painted it with maple syrup and put bacon on top. it was probably the smartest thing anyone has ever done in the world. the bacon was the best i've ever tasted. if you guys want really good bacon with eggs for breakfast, the trick is just put them on top of a maple syrup-coated turkey and cook it in the oven. it takes four hours and you'll be stuck with this delicious turkey that you probably don't want for breakfast, but trust me, it's the best bacon you'll ever taste.

trinkets

2011-11-26T12:17:00.001-08:00

we have a shelf of trinkets in our new house. my favorite trinket is Mo the Cat.

more moving casualities

2011-11-26T12:11:00.001-08:00

the sad truth of moving to a new place is that you can't take everything with you. well, i mean i guess you could, but you probably don't want to. i didn't anyway. and i forced myself to thin the herd in this move. the herd of all my crud. one of the things that didn't make the cut was this super classy work of art that i had hanging above my toilet.

duh

2011-11-16T18:38:00.001-08:00

i feel pretty dumb soemtimes. buh. that's not how you spell sometimes.

there's a kitty in there!

2011-11-16T18:19:00.001-08:00

always check your blankets before you sit on them!

i sure don't

2011-11-16T18:11:00.001-08:00

anybody know how to play one of these dern things?

i thought the cookout went well

2011-11-16T17:44:00.001-08:00

Tiffany says she's never coming to one of our cookouts ever again.

nobody

2011-11-11T16:37:00.001-08:00

nobody knows where the blanket ends and mo begins.

science report

2011-11-11T16:31:00.001-08:00

juniper is the seleventh planet from the sun. it consists of gas, rock, air, crud, soil, and ice. scientists can't figure out where it came from or what the heck it's any good for.

juniper's my favorite planet. i hate it.

halloween rerun from #mbfmb

2011-10-31T23:42:00.000-07:00

Ep. 2: My Best friend, My Butler, My Halloween - watch more funny videos

well, we don't have a new halloween episode of butler ... BUT WE'VE GOT AN OLD ONE! we've gotten a lot better at making these but this one is still pretty funny. check it out if you're not too scared. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

drawing humans

2011-10-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

if you had to describe what a human looks like to an alien and the alien drew one based off your description, i bet he wouldn't draw it right. because aliens are stupid. and it's hard for them to hold pens with their stupid slimy claws. i hate aliens.

occupy butler street

2011-10-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

well, there's been a lot of commotion about this occupy wall street movement and My Best Friend, My Butler is proud to announce we have found a solution to our nation's economic woes. you're welcome, everyone!

sexxxy?

2011-10-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

here is a new video i directed for The Get Go. it might not be safe for work. not in a porny way. but in a gross way. also kind of in a porny way.

scary halloween

2011-10-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

happy halloween. this is the scariest thing i could come up with.

Good Old Desk

2011-10-31T08:44:00.000-07:00

my old desk couldn't make the move to the new house. it was super wobbly and ready to fall apart. i logged a lot of hours at this wobbly old desk over the last three years. lot of good memories. Schoolpants was born on this desk. that alone makes this desk museum worthy. but this desk literally radiated creative energy. i couldn't have that wasted in a museum. the desk BEGGED me not to let it rot away in a museum, or let it be degraded by sending it back to the Goodwill i got it from, or let it be humiliated by posting it on craigslist. so with tears in my eyes, i beat the hell out of this desk until it was nothing more than a small pile of plywood. rest in pieces, dear friend. you served me well.

ghost phone

2011-10-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

for sale: one weird rubbery cover for a flip phone. been used exactly zero times. protect your phone with what looks like a ghost phone! impress your friends! asking price: $14billion

serious inquiries only.

car advice

2011-10-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

i'm no mechanic, but i give pretty good car advice.