tv show idea

when i was a kid, i had this great idea for a tv show. it was about this guy called Sam Beckett and he was a SCIENTIST from the year 1999 (the future) and he figured out a way to travel through time, only he could just travel to years within his own lifetime and every time he traveled he turned into someone else and he had to stay that person until he made right what once was wrong. then, when he left that person, he'd "leap" into another person's life (this would be in the last few minutes of an episode) and he'd be confused and disoriented and someone would be talking to him or something and then he'd look in the mirror and he'd see somebody else's face (the person he had LEAPED into) and he'd say "oh boy" and the theme music would kick in (and it sounded kind of like the doogie houser theme music, if i remember correctly) and they would freeze frame and the credits would roll.

it was the perfect television show of all time.

the perfect of all time.

but someone stole my idea. and called it Cheers.

sleeps

i've been having a really hard time falling asleep lately AND a really hard time staying awake lately. and that doesn't seem fair to me.

hydrogen psychosis (the crazy eye)

good news: i ordered a bunch of new contact lenses. this means i can throw out the 2-week-disposables i have been wearing for approximately 3 months. maybe my eyes won't be so bloodshot and crazy looking anymore.

but you know what i just realized? "bloodshot" is an AWESOME word. i would've never thought of that term to describe the way those eyes look. i would've called it something stupid like "tiny red veins in your eye" syndrome. but somebody, a long long time ago, came up with "bloodshot." and it stuck!

i'm glad.

new york times bestseller

is it just me or is pretty much every book a new york times bestseller?

the most impressive thing i've ever seen (today)

this is pretty impressive, right?

cone dogs

today on facebooks, i was looking at my friend's friends and there were TWO (2) pictures of dogs with cones on their heads! what are the odds? i felt like that meant today was special.

when i was younger, after school, there'd always be 2 back to back episodes of Saved by the Bell on TBS and 2 back to back episodes of Saved by the Bell on WGN. but there was an overlap. like it was 3:30 and 4 on one channel and 4 and 4:30 on the other. so at 4, you could flip back and forth and pick which episode to watch. but every once in awhile, they'd play the SAME episode at the SAME time! i always felt like that meant that it was a very special day and something crazy would happen.

nothing really crazy ever happened though. but still, whenever i'm flipping and see the same commercial on 2 different channels at once, i get really pumped up and guarantee to myself or anyone around me that today is special and something crazy is going to happen.

i'm sick of vampires

remember when stupid nerdy kids were the only ones who liked vampires? i'm starting to miss those days.

i've made my decision

i've decided to be a clown for halloween. not because i think it's a great halloween costume, but because i feel like i owe it to myself to own a clown costume. and halloween is a good excuse to buy one.

but i will say this, it's a classic halloween costume. and there's nothing wrong with the classics. i feel like too many people are trying to think of these crazy, really cerebral halloween costume ideas. too many people forget about the ol' classics: clown, witch, hobo, dinosaur, hobo-dinosaur, clown-witch, manwich, sexy cat, superhero.

stop drawing me, old man!

so the other night, there was an old man in my coffee shop. he was wearing big sunglasses. wearing big sunglasses at night, indoors, is something that douchebags do, not something old men do, right? wrong. this guy was doing it. and here's why: he didn't want people to notice him as he drew their portraits.

it was one of the weirdest things i've witnessed. he was just staring at people, obviously drawing pictures of them. the weirdest part is that NO ONE SEEMED TO NOTICE BUT ME. i even had to point it out to my fellow employees. that guy is drawing people. "who?" the old guy in the sunglasses, with the mustache, who's just drinking a cup of hot water, out of a cup from the coffee shop across the street, a cup he asked me to fill with more hot water. "oh, that guy? are you sure?" yes, look how he's staring at people, then back down at his sketchpad, then back up at them. "yeah, that's weird."

and when we closed, he left his drawings behind. i wish i would've saved one to show you guys. i'm pissed that i didn't. but they all kind of looked like this:

cabbages got problems too

being sad doesn't make you special.