that ted danson

today the tv was on and i was in the other room. i heard the voice of a familiar friend. i thought to myself, "is cheers on?" and went to check it out. it wasn't cheers. it was becker. that's when i remembered "becker's not a bad show!" then i thought about how i like ted danson on curb your enthusiasm and bored to death. and i realized, for the first time ever, i'm a ted danson fan. it was a weird thing to realize.

also, i realized, you know how some people who you know or even just see, you think they look like someone famous? like you might have a friend who sort of looks like tom selleck without the mustache. or you might see a guy on the train who looks a lot like harrison ford. well, i realized that i don't think i've seen ANYONE who looks like ted danson. no other human on the planet resembles this dude.

avocado seeds

avocado seeds look like tiny wooden dinosaur eggs, am i right?

ugh, mondays, am i right?

here's a scene from the hit movie "garfled: pig in the city."

INT. KITCHEN - MONDAY MORNING

Garfled: ugh. mondays are the worst.
Monday: i'm sick of you bitching about what day it is.
Garfled: ugh, where's my coffee? i want some fettuccine. i hate mondays.
Monday: you know, if you go through life hating mondays, you will hate at least 1/7 of your life.
Garfled: ugh. i'm going back to bed.

Garfled exits kitchen with a bowl of fettuccine.

Sean Arbuckled appears from his hiding spot in the cabinet.

Sean: i heard what happened, Monday.
Monday: just leave me alone, Sean.
Sean: it's not your fault you know. if he's not excited about his plans for today, that's his problem. it's not fair to blame it on a day of the week.
Monday: can it, Sean! i'm not in the mood!

Monday sneezes.

Sean: bless you.
Monday: that wasn't a sneeze! it was a cough!
Sean: sorry. it sounded like a sneeze.
Monday: (crying) it was a sneeze. i was just too embarrassed to tell you.

Sean and Monday hug.

Garfled walks by wearing sunglasses.

Garfled: i'm gonna catch some rays!

audience laughter, applause, fade to black.

mom

i know i've been talking about Thanksgiving a lot lately. but that's what's on my mind. Thanksgiving is a big deal in the United States and that's where i am right now.

anyway, my mom is awesome because she shipped me a bunch of Thanksgiving food that she made all by herself. and it is good. she is good at making stuff. and she is nice about sharing it with me. and for that, i am thankful.

hot dog salad

tonight, for dinner, i was making hot dogs. and i was thinking about how they cook better in the frying pan when you cut them up into small bits. i know this because that's how i cook them when i put them in mac n' cheese. but i didn't have mac n' cheese. and i didn't have hot dog buns. and i don't like using pieces of bread as hot dog buns. because come on. it's just not the same.

so i thought to myself: why not just mash it all up together? that's how it ends up in my stomach anyway. so i cut up the hot dogs into bits so they cooked better and i ripped up some bread and squirted a bunch of ketchup and mustard in there and mixed it all up. and, thus, the Hot Dog Salad was born.
it did NOT taste very good. i do NOT recommend it. but to be honest, i WILL probably make this stupid concoction again someday because i AM stupid.

SNAP (tiny card game)

as i mentioned in an earlier post, i won a tiny card game called SNAP at a thanksgiving party. i had never heard of SNAP, so i pulled out the card to see what kind of game it was. before reading the instructions, i figured i'd just look at the cards to see if the game was self-explanatory. the very first card i saw read "ride-a-cock horse."
i don't want to play this game.

another thing about thanksgiving

i forgot to tell you about another reason thanksgiving didn't feel like thanksgiving. i had to take my friend patrick to the airport that morning before i went to work. i was worried traffic was going to be an issue, so we left really early. on the way, we realized that normal people weren't working on thanksgiving. so there was almost NO traffic at all. and we got to the airport way too early. so we went to the burger king by the airport and had a disgusting breakfast. it was funny. it's funny to be eating at a burger king on thanksgiving morning. we had a ball. and talked about how we'd remenisce years later on that great thanksgiving morning feast we spent together in 2009 ... at burger king ... by the airport.

we didn't take a picture, but this is probably what we looked like.

this thanksgiving, i became a man

the title of this post is probably misleading. i'm sure most of you are thinking, "he got bar mitzvahed?" sorry to get your hopes up. no, i did NOT get bar mitzvahed. i'm waiting for marriage.

but i did have my first thanksgiving not at home. it was weird. and not weird. both at the same time! it was not weird because it just felt like another day. but it was weird because i knew my family was hanging out without me. and it was also weird because i realized this is what happens when you grow up. you sometimes miss holidays with your family. because you don't live in the same town as them. and you have a shitty job and you have to work on the holidays.

but the good news is: jon, from work, invited me to tag along to his thanksgiving potluck dinner in griffith park. it was cool. my friend, eric, gave me two guinnesses from his 6pack. a bunch of people i had never met gave me delicious food. we saw a deer and two coyotes. the cops shined lights at us. AND there were prizes! i won a pencil, a set of friendship bracelets, a duck made out of a basketball, and a tiny deck of cards that you can only play one game with.

i am thankful.

robo-dance team by p.rule

artist, musician, and friend to the animal kingdom, patrick rule, drew this picture. he left it at my apartment. i will now write an accompanying poem, by the same title:

Robo-Dance Team
poem by nic
illustration by patrick

Alone, they were fun-loving misfits
"let's get together," suggested Biscuits.
"That's not the way of the robot," insisted Todd.
Input agreed with a nod.
"Robots are loners," said Todd in his B-boy stance.
"That's true," said Input, "but we all do the same dance."

The other Todd thought that was a very good point
and he said, "let's light up this joint*!"
He and Input danced in a such a way
that inspired the others to dance with them and to this day,
they are a team.
a team of dancing robots.

*the dancefloor. not marijuanah.

happy thanksgivings

this is schoolpants's first thanksgiving. i am thankful for that. and i'm thankful for you. and i'm thankful for pants. because where would we be without pants? the garden of eden. and that place doesn't exist anymore. food for thought. speaking of food, who loves thanksgiving food? i do! hot dogs, cheeseburgers, garlic bread, mmm yum. i'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

just kidding. i was already hungry.