Rule #1

kienan's bachelor party

this weekend is the weekend of my friend kienan's bachelor party. we are all skydiving with mustaches. in a parallel universe, my parachute will not open and i will die and this will be the last blog post i ever write. and my friends in that universe will be sad and this blog post will be sad to read. but in another universe i will not die and this will not be my last blog post. but for those of you in one of the parallel universes where i die in a tragic skydiving accident, let these be the last words i ever blog: "the mind is like a parachute. it works best when it's open. somebody should've told that to the stupid jerk who packed MY parachute. so long, suckers!"

that face

my mom's aunt posted an old picture of me and my siblings on facebook. it made me realize that i still make the same faces i made 20 years ago. i call this one my "waiting for my sister to hurry up and graduate from college already" face.

messing with facebook

my friend patrick recently pointed out to me that you can delete facebook ads and when you do, they ask you why and if you choose "other" you can write whatever you want and these marketing nerds have to read it. it has been great fun for me.

pumpkin goop

the other day, i bought a cantaloupe for the first time ever. why didn't anybody ever tell me these things have pumpkin goop inside? gross!

imported snacks!

in my new neighborhood, there are all these stores that sell products from some other country (mexico?) and so i've been trying out new things. this box of beer had the phrase "crisp, cool & fresh" which is very similar to another beer i used to drink a lot in college. it was called Schlitz Light and it's slogan was "crisp, cool & refreshing" and i would buy it at CVS for $8.99 for a 24 pack and sometimes it was on sale for $7.99 for a 24 pack. it was fantastic.

ginger aleplane

my favorite thing to drink on airplane rides is ginger ale. it's tasty. it's caffeine free. and unlike normal ale, it's typically free on airplane rides.

my favorite thing to drink on bike rides is water. and my favorite thing to drink on helicopter rides is yeah right like i get to ride around in helicopters get real.

more halloween ideas

if you want more mobility in your schoolpants halloween attire, try the schoolpants mask that i invented. it doesn't make as much sense, but it's better than going as a slutty witch for the fourth year in a row.

almost halloween

your arms might get tired, but you'll be the hit of the party.

indianapolis jerseys

did you know that indianapolis used to have a minor league hockey team called the Cheeto's? well, they didn't. but they had a team called the Checkers. i didn't know that before today.

i would like an indianopois checkers jersey. or an old pacers jersey. funny logos, indianapolis.