don't even waste your time

hiding from yourself in the mirror is impossible. and infuriating.

fair is fair

i guess it's only fair that they have a fat boy option if they're going to have healthy choice.

stickers are cool

when i was a kid, i used to put stickers on everything. then i forgot about it for a long time. now i want to put stickers on everything again.

it's okay

it is.

zam zarken

every year, 25 days after his birthday, i draw a picture for my buddy zam and every year i tell the story of how we met.
i met zam at the 1993 autumn olympics in west chesterfield, verhampshire, UK. zam was operating a make-your-own hot air balloon stand near the port-o-johns. i asked him how much. he asked me for the hour or all-night? i said, "you can teach me to make my own hot air balloon in an hour?"
he seemed confused but then recovered, "oh oh! right! uh, hot air balloons, sure. how much you got?"
"not much, i'm afraid," i was afraid.
"that's just how much it costs!" he exclaimed and snatched my pocketbook.
together we made a hot air balloon of old deflated beach balls. when we finished i was less than confident about the safety of the vessel. but when he asked if i wanted to take her up for a test drive, i didn't have the heart to turn him down. we flew up to about two hundred feet. "that's probably high enough," i said.
"nah, got really feel her out! test her limits!" he shouted back.
we got up to about 600 feet and that's when it happened, the entire town of west chesterfield was fire-bombed. we still don't know who did it or why. but all records of west chesterfield, the county of verhampshire, and even the entire 1993 autumn olympics have been destroyed.
anyway, zam and i have been good friends ever since.

toaster strudels: not for me

I just want to set the record straight about something: i was a pop tart kid, still am, but i will admit that, IN THEORY, the toaster strudels are better. they resemble real food and you can put on as much icing as you want. both good traits in any breakfast snack.

i think the reason i never got on board with toaster strudel train was their annoying commercials. every commercial was some nerdy kid talking smack about pop tarts. the battle lines had been drawn. the pillsbury ad people had established that there were strudel kids and pop tart kids and ne'er the twain shall meet. and, like i said, it was always a nerdy kid whose parents got the toaster strudels. i think that resonated with me in a way that the folks at pilsbury didn't anticipate. the message i interpreted was: only nerds eat toaster strudels. let that be a lesson to you, ad people.

toothpaste defect

how and why did this happen to my toothpaste?

hot cappy

cooked pork shoulder butt?

these beers in cans

have you guys ever seen these beers in cans??? i sure hadn't ... until thursday night at a bar i'd never been to.

i don't know why i get such a kick out of stuff like this but i do. i'm a sucker for unusual packaging.

just fine