schoolpants undercover

did i ever tell you guys about how i used to be an undercover police cop? it was awesome. i used to go on all kinds of missions, busting bad guys, driving cool cars, fistfighting, wearing leather jackets, doing cool handshakes, playing pool with snitches, sitting in cars for long times, eating snacks, making girls fall in love with me and then getting the heck out of there, crawling through vents, using binoculars, taping microphones to my stomach, prank calling people, beating up janitors and putting on their uniforms and removing graffiti from high schools, blogging, getting tattoos, all sorts of adventures.

i remember this one time i was checking in with my police chief and he was like "where the heck you been man? you're going way too undercover! you're crazy!" and i was like "maybe i am!" and then i rode my hog (motorcycle) right out of his stupid office. then i met up with these bad guys who thought i was their friend. they were playing pool during a lull between fistfights. there was this girl who was there and they were being mean to her and i was like "you're gonna wish you never did that." and they were like "what the?" and then i fistfighted with all of them and did all these uppercuts and roundhouses and knocked all their lights out. and then the babe fell in love with me and told me about how those guys had a big drug deal and she wanted to marry me but i was like "sorry toots," and i got the heck out of there. she was like "aw man, where the heck you going?" and i was like "to a drug deal!" and i put on one of the knocked-out bad guy's clothes so i could pretend to be him. then the drug dealer was like "oh hey buddy!" and i was like, "i AIN'T yer BUDDY!" and knocked his lights out and took him to jail and the police chief was like "man, sorry i yelled at you. you're awesome. how about another mission?" and i was like "sorry boss. i'm retired." and i threw my badge in the trash can. but then i was like, man that would've been cool, like as a souvenir. so i got it out of the trash. but it had some gum stuck to it, so i was like aw man. but i took it to the bathroom and rinsed it off. it was no big deal.