Sunday, December 9, 2012

moving day!

Hey everybody. The internet has informed me that I'm not allowed to upload anymore photos to this blog unless I start paying a monthly fee to do so. And if I ever stop paying said monthly fee, my photos/drawings/etc disappear.

If you know anything about schoolpants, you know:
a) a robot wearing pants is funny;
b) schoolpants DOES NOT negotiate with terrorists.

anycrap, i don't know how internet works really, but i do know this: i don't feel like paying money for this right now.

SO: from this day forward, schoolpants is now living at

thank you and may cod have mercy on your sole.


Tuesday, July 31, 2012

shark catcher

did i ever tell you guys about the time i caught a shark? it was january 2007. we boated out, baited our hooks, and cast our lines. within about 5 minutes, i pulled up this shark. he was none-too-happy about it and i was scared of him. i wanted to take a picture of me like petting him or something but he seemed bitey. so i didn't.

then we threw him back in the water and then i felt really seasick and i didn't fish for the rest of the trip.

beer monster loves beer pellets

the foam left in my beer glass looked like a beer monster eating beer pellets.

it's a registered trademark

i used to think ronald mcdonald was playing soccer while throwing his cup away. but it's not a soccer ball. it's an R with a circle around it.


step 3 is "then ... shoot lasers out of your eyes at the screen to let the photographer know you're ready."

so many rules!

you never let us do ANYTHING!

pretty scary

this is a pretty scary thing to find in a trash can.
not super scary. but pretty scary.

i like your style

Dear Whoever Designs the Pattern for Every Bus/Train Seat,

    You are funny. I like you.


i'm trying to do what the sign says

am i doing it wrong? there's never that many bubbles when i do it?

it's okay guys, we understand

these guys are SOOO sorry about this credit card minimum. sooooo sad!

i want to go to that floor

this is the button that takes you to the floor where they have all those fireman hats!

i would still mind the dog

how is this supposed to make the dog feel? poor little guy. he needs a sense of purpose.

we're famous in japan

did you know that me and emily were photographed for a japanese magazine?
i knew that.
i know lots of things.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

hot squirrel

the squirrel outside my window is very hot from being out in the hot outdoors all the time. he's laying on this brick wall probably exactly the same way i would if i were a squirrel in his position.

does it have a do not resuscitate bracelet

i don't feel comfortable making this decision.

this is a real place

have you been to Video Edit? it's this great new place right next to Labels! it's in Generic Store Name Plaza with all those other really common stores that provide totally normal goods and services that we're used to seeing in stores everywhere. it's my favorite shopping plaza in all of Crazytown.

know thyself

i can't believe i've never tested out how many grocery carts with buckets and trashbags i can tow in one haul. i wonder if i'll ever know.

ocean police!

i saw a police boat pull a boat over in the ocean! what did you ever do?

king dino would be awesome

there's nothing "terrible" about having your king be a dinosaur. this is the only major flaw in Mario Brothers 3.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

he's in my network!

finally, a doctor that takes my insurance!

baby tickling station

babies can't defend themselves in tickle fights.

Monday, June 18, 2012

lukewarm welcome

i feel like we could have a cooler welcome sign than this. maybe some fireworks or something? or president obama on a harley like hanging out with a dinosaur in a jean jacket with like sunglasses and stuff? and they're drinking coca-colas at disneyland or something? just something with some pizazz!

burger citizen

i want to be a burger citizen!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

ceiling heads

there was this room in this place and there were heads in the ceiling and i took a picture and a lady told me i'm not allowed to so i said sorry.

cheesy gordita crunch, please!

this hotel we stayed at had a button that you could push to get taco bell delivered to your room! why don't hotels in the united states have that? i think it's a great idea! only this one didn't work. i pressed it a lot.

battery bunnies

in poland, i found this duracell bunny behind bars. at first i thought it was funny that in other countries, the duracell company ripped off the energizer bunny ad campaign. but after a little digging (very little. just googling "duracell bunny") i found that exactly the opposite is true! the duracell bunny was around first! and then the fat cats at energizer decided to steal the idea and trademarked it in the united states! i feel like i've been lied to my whole life!

this whole experience has really forced me to take a step back and really consider for the first time ever: why would any battery company, let alone TWO battery companies, feel the need to have a bunny mascot?

they're just like us

monks go sightseeing too, you guys.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

black energy

 you guys, mike tyson has an energy drink in poland. it's called black energy and it says "BLACK POWER!" on the top of the can. i just wanted to make sure you guys know that.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

what a find!

emily and i found these historical portraits of people who looked and dressed just like we do!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

ice coffee

just so you know: if you order an ice coffee Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic, they give you a cup with ice, milk, a few shots of espresso, and an ice cream bar. And they act like it's the most normal thing in the world.

Monday, June 11, 2012

this place sure has a lot of rules

no neck ties? screw this place!

cool graffiti

someone made these electrical boxes into a cool lightning storm.

sign people should wear hats

all the men wear hats on the signs in the czech republic. and all the little girls have little bunny ears.

maybe the scariest thing

why is the witch's hand so big? is that her hand? i'm so scared right now by everything happening in this picture.

this place seems fancy

maybe a little too fancy.

liquid soap for woman

so embarrassing: the place we stayed only had liquid soap for woman! i couldn't find liquid soap for man ANYWHERE! i mean it wasn't that big of a deal, i just didn't wash my hands for four days.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

travel scrapbook

here's me in front of a place.
here's emily walking someplace.

not for sale

this guy wouldn't sell me any of his drawings of will smith or bruce willis.

signs are confusing

car hose house soccer stick arms

Saturday, June 9, 2012

kindergarten cop?

that kid's carrying a rifle.

good dogs don't pee

this dog's so ashamed of himself.

burst right up out

aw man, this light pole must've just burst right up out through this sidewalk made of cubes!

prague driver

emily and i flew to prague and this man picked us up at the airport. he had big ears and funny hair and knew the entire history of the city of prague. i didn't catch his name but if you ever go to prague, i suggest you get a ride from the airport from him. he's awesome. tell him you were referred to him by schoolpants and he won't know what you're talking about.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

arts and crafts!

my friend patrick built this chicken out of excess beard hair and scotch tape!


what?! there's a weird circus in the neighborhood and no one told me???

Sunday, June 3, 2012

cat email

Cat Email - watch more funny videos      

hey, did you guys see this? it's the first video that i wrote and directed that features my cat momo. check it out!

baby strawberry (strawbaby)

this is what a baby strawberry looks like! who knew? not me! i know now though! because we have one growing in the strawberry farm in our garden!

shameless plug

so i'm right in the middle of a big fight with Piston Honda and in between the first and second round, i ask doc (my manager) for some advice (boxing advice, obviously) and get this, he says to me "Join the Nintendo Fun Club today! Mac."

Are you kidding me?! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A BOXING MATCH, DOC! also, why did you exclaim "Join the Nintendo Fun Club today!" and then add "Mac." as it's own sentence? you're a terrible manager and a weird human, doc.

who invited the laser cats?

aw man! laser cats showed up and started fighting and ruined our perfectly good human party!

instagram hates coffee

maybe this app didn't understand my artistic take on my morning coffee. or maybe this app is super smart and can sense when i'm still half-asleep and taking pictures of whatever is in front of me despite the fact that no one wants to see stupid pictures of a cup of coffee. thank you instagram!