Tuesday, August 31, 2010
i think indiana is a cooler name for a place but california was a better thought out name because nowadays, california is still pretty hot but there aren't very many indians left in indiana.
why would i give a crap about a guy who only fought four lions?
cool things on the internet that you can fold up to make cool things in real life. she just sent me this adventure time cut out that she found. i can't remember if i've talked to you guys about adventure time yet. but it is awesome. it's maybe the coolest show ever.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
brian pointed out to me that this month has five sundays, five mondays, and five tuesdays. he claims that this phenomenon only occurs once every 823 years. unfortunately, i have no idea if that's true or not because brian makes stuff up all the time. he's really good at it.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
However, humans aren't always like that most of the time.
~Ronald, age 81
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
other words take more than 29 times in 3 minutes. others take less. i just discovered that the word "equals" only takes about 5 uses within 1 minute to become not-a-word. just try it. equals. equals. equals. equals. and there you have it. equals now means nothing. it's just a weird combination of sounds that you are crazy for saying. "enough" is another good one. and "stupid." and "bored."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
i get accused of looking like people a lot. the latest accusation comes from my brother matt. he sent me this text saying "you can't tell from this picture, but this dude looks just like you." he was right that i couldn't tell from the picture. all i can tell from that picture is that some people in street clothes are playing baseball someplace where instead of a crowd in the bleachers, they have a graveyard.
my friend greg accused me of looking like this guy from some awful sitcom:
and my friend kraig always makes fun of me for looking like this guy:
Friday, August 13, 2010
if you guys know me, you know i'm a big beetlemaniac. it's my humble opinion jon lemmon and pal mccarthy are among the finest songsmen of our generation. their 1979 hit "blackboard" is among my favorites. when i worked out the tablature on the banjo, i just had to share it with the rest of the world.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
yesterday, my friend patrick and i had a hankering for some grilled hot dogs. we scoured our neighborhood convenience marts for some reputable franks. we tried three different places and found zero brand names that we had ever heard of before ever in our lives. we thought the third place would be the charm, and in a way it was. they only had one brand and it was the weirdest of all the brands we had seen. it's called fud. they carry hot dogs, bacon, and processed cheese slices. they have all three food groups covered!
i tried to learn about the fud brand on the internet but all i found out is that fud is a lame businessman acronym and also a very crude slang term?
so right after the kienemily wedding, i went to new york. remember last year when i went to new york for a big improv festival called the del close marathon? no? that's okay. anyway, i did it again. my improv team fat magic bear had a pretty good show. that was fun. and my brother and his wife came to see it. which was scary. but fun. and we got to hang out after. which was terrifying. just kidding. it was fun. anyway, it was probably the greatest weekend of my life, but the highlight of the trip for me was watching queen latifah's lastest hit film "mr wright" on the flight home.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
when it came time for kienan to read his vows, she stopped him short by repeatedly "coughing" the word "fag" and then saying, "blah blah blah, where's my ring?" then, when it was time for memily to say her vows, she just grabbed the priest's microphone and sang the fresh prince theme song. then she belched loudly and yelled, "when's the reception?" as she stumbled down the aisle and out the church.
the reception went much more smoothly. after she barfed on the cake and fell asleep in the men's restroom, everyone was able to relax a little and have a good time. it was lovely.
Friday, August 6, 2010
|Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com|
another video up on ucbcomedy.com! this one wasn't for any particular sketch team or show. it was just written by a funny guy named sean clements. it was fun to shoot. and i've never told anyone this until right now but the day we were shooting, i was talking to the kid's mom after we finished his part of the shoot and i suddenly got super dizzy and almost fell down. like, i thought i was going to faint, which i've never done before. it was such a weird feeling. i didn't want to freak anyone out so i never mentioned it. but for the whole rest of the day, i was really paranoid that i would just pass out and barf or something and it would ruin the shoot.
buuuuuut, i didn't! hooray! all's well that ends well. hope you enjoy the video.