Wednesday, August 11, 2010

kienemily's wedding

so last week, i went home to witness my "friends" kienan and whats-her-face get married. and while i have taken a firm stance against these two jerks being together from the very beginning, i will say it was a very nice ceremony. memily, the bride, showed up rip roaring drunk about 20 minutes late demanding that we "get this show on the road." the priest tried to lighten the mood by making a joke about arriving fashionably late. memily, thinking that the priest was trying to steal her thunder, demanded that everyone stop laughing. "that's not funny!" she barked, "you want a really funny joke, i'll tell you one. IT'S MY SPECIAL DAY!" she proceeded to tell an obscenely inappropriate story involving a prostitute, a gorilla, and half a dozen bananas.

when it came time for kienan to read his vows, she stopped him short by repeatedly "coughing" the word "fag" and then saying, "blah blah blah, where's my ring?" then, when it was time for memily to say her vows, she just grabbed the priest's microphone and sang the fresh prince theme song. then she belched loudly and yelled, "when's the reception?" as she stumbled down the aisle and out the church.

the reception went much more smoothly. after she barfed on the cake and fell asleep in the men's restroom, everyone was able to relax a little and have a good time. it was lovely.

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