shark catcher

did i ever tell you guys about the time i caught a shark? it was january 2007. we boated out, baited our hooks, and cast our lines. within about 5 minutes, i pulled up this shark. he was none-too-happy about it and i was scared of him. i wanted to take a picture of me like petting him or something but he seemed bitey. so i didn't.

then we threw him back in the water and then i felt really seasick and i didn't fish for the rest of the trip.

beer monster loves beer pellets

the foam left in my beer glass looked like a beer monster eating beer pellets.

it's a registered trademark

i used to think ronald mcdonald was playing soccer while throwing his cup away. but it's not a soccer ball. it's an R with a circle around it.

then...

step 3 is "then ... shoot lasers out of your eyes at the screen to let the photographer know you're ready."

so many rules!

you never let us do ANYTHING!

pretty scary

this is a pretty scary thing to find in a trash can.
not super scary. but pretty scary.

i like your style

Dear Whoever Designs the Pattern for Every Bus/Train Seat,

    You are funny. I like you.

Love,
Schoolpants

i'm trying to do what the sign says

am i doing it wrong? there's never that many bubbles when i do it?

it's okay guys, we understand

these guys are SOOO sorry about this credit card minimum. sooooo sad!

i want to go to that floor

this is the button that takes you to the floor where they have all those fireman hats!

i would still mind the dog

how is this supposed to make the dog feel? poor little guy. he needs a sense of purpose.

we're famous in japan

did you know that me and emily were photographed for a japanese magazine?
i knew that.
i know lots of things.

hot squirrel

the squirrel outside my window is very hot from being out in the hot outdoors all the time. he's laying on this brick wall probably exactly the same way i would if i were a squirrel in his position.

does it have a do not resuscitate bracelet

i don't feel comfortable making this decision.

this is a real place

have you been to Video Edit? it's this great new place right next to Labels! it's in Generic Store Name Plaza with all those other really common stores that provide totally normal goods and services that we're used to seeing in stores everywhere. it's my favorite shopping plaza in all of Crazytown.

know thyself

i can't believe i've never tested out how many grocery carts with buckets and trashbags i can tow in one haul. i wonder if i'll ever know.

ocean police!

i saw a police boat pull a boat over in the ocean! what did you ever do?

king dino would be awesome

there's nothing "terrible" about having your king be a dinosaur. this is the only major flaw in Mario Brothers 3.

he's in my network!

finally, a doctor that takes my insurance!

baby tickling station

babies can't defend themselves in tickle fights.