it's okay guys, we understand

these guys are SOOO sorry about this credit card minimum. sooooo sad!

you CAN buy friends

this guy was worth every penny.

what a deal

i always think it's fishy when things are too much on sale.

panama coin!

as you guys may or may not know, i like cool coins. i got this one at work the other day. it is very cool and tiny. it's from panama i guess. and it got born the same year i did.

you gotta cut king alfred a paycheck

the other day i awoke from a nap with this phrase stuck in my head: "you gotta cut king alfred a paycheck."

is that from something? what does it mean? am i supposed to pay king alfred for something? who is he?

the biggest whiskey bottle

this is the biggest bottle of whiskey i have ever seen. my little brother and i found it in my grandparents' basement. i put a quarter in front of the box to give you guys a sense of how big it is. also, i don't know if you can see the price tag but it says $25.00. i don't know if you guys are very savvy when it comes to whiskey prices, but that's a pretty good price for a gallon of fine scotch whiskey.

so if you get the opportunity, i advise you go back in time and by a few gallons of this stuff at this price. just be sure to use old money. if you show up with the new $20 bill and a new $5 bill, the ones where the president's heads are way bigger and the colors are a little different, you're definitely gonna get busted. then you'll get sent to time jail. and guess what spanky: no whiskey in time jail!

moneypants

today, i was cleaning my closet, which i rarely do, and i found a pair of pants that i forgot i had. i always hear people talking about finding cash in an old pair of pants or an old winter coat and it's always a bummer because that never ever happens to me. and so when i found this old pair of pants it made me think of all those jerks who are always finding money in their old stuff. so i checked the pockets and guess what! there was fourteen thousand dollars in cash in the front right pocket!

mortgage rates

i used to think i had a vague understanding of what a mortgage was. then i saw this ad. now i'm baffled. it has something to do with old people graduating and giving the V sign?

check expressions

i was ordering new checks recently and they had all these hilarious options for things you can have printed on your personal checks. i really wanted to get all of them. some of my favorites include:

• DREAMS DO COME TRUE!
• AND YOUR POINT IS?
• LIVIN' LARGE AND TAKIN' CHARGE

but they cost like $3 extra so i was like "No way hose A! Maybe when i'm a millionaire."

save your receipts

it's a really good thing i save all my credit card receipts. if i didn't save them all, then how would i ever know that i went to in-n-out back in september and then never looked at the receipt again until almost all of the ink had disappeared?

not a redeemable coupon

isn't it a coupon's "redeemable-ness" that makes it a coupon? aren't coupons inherently redeemable? at least for a limited time?

that's like if i said "buy any schoolpants t-shirt and save up to $1.4 million when you buy the entire blog. but just kidding, you can't."

it doesn't make sense.

incidentally, if you have a lot of money and want this blog, please email me at Schoopants@gmail.com

hundred dolla bills, y'all!

have you guys seen what american $100 bills will look like in the future? they look awesome!
maybe by the time they come out into circulation, i'll have enough money to afford them.

sky bar: the candy bar from heaven

if you ever see one of these in a candy store, buy and eat it. trust me on this one. juuuuuust trust me.

cool dime!

i found this cool dime at work that's from 1937. it looks different from how dimes look now. it has like a pillar or something on the back, whereas the new ones have a torch or something.  on the front, it has a greek goddess but nowadays they have some white guy or somebody.

awhile ago, i found an old dime that looks like this one and it was from 1942, but i like this one better because it's older and 37 is my favorite number.

good-time token

my friend patrick found this good time token that is redeemable for "fun for all." and man, once we figure out where to redeem that fun for all ... you better believe we are gonna have us some fun.

wikipedia

i love wikipedia, but i'm getting a little tired of jimmy wales hounding me for money. i don't HAVE any MONEY, jimmy wales! if i did, i'd buy a real encyclopedia*.

*not true

but if i ever get a job that pays a living wage, i promise i'll throw a few bucks your way.