this weekend is the weekend of my friend kienan's bachelor party. we are all skydiving with mustaches. in a parallel universe, my parachute will not open and i will die and this will be the last blog post i ever write. and my friends in that universe will be sad and this blog post will be sad to read. but in another universe i will not die and this will not be my last blog post. but for those of you in one of the parallel universes where i die in a tragic skydiving accident, let these be the last words i ever blog: "the mind is like a parachute. it works best when it's open. somebody should've told that to the stupid jerk who packed MY parachute. so long, suckers!"