happy halloweens!

this is a movie patrick and i shot two years ago today. we've grown up a lot since then. and our videos have gotten a lot shorter. this one is very long (6minutes). but it's still one of my favorites. because it is silly. and we didn't have any ideas for a movie that day. yet we shot one anyway. hooray for us. happy halloween.

hooters

i don't know if you guys have heard of this restaurant called hooters. it's a place that experienced strange levels of popularity in the early-to-mid nineties because of their scantily clad, and allegedly busty, waitresses. anyway, patrick came to visit and his only idea for an activity was "let's go to hooters." we thought it was a hilarious idea. and it ended up being a hilarious experience but not for reasons we expected. it was mostly a pretty sad place. a few people eating alone. a few couples on dates. one middle-aged man eating with his elderly parents. and several disinterested waitresses in halloween costumes. we watched 3 or 4 groups of people come in, sit down, look around, discuss something quietly in a huddle, then get up and leave without ordering anything at all.
i had the buffalo chicken sandwich. it wasn't very good. patrick and adam shared a bunch of wings. they were weird looking.

each of the waitresses came by and said hi to us and signed this piece of paper on our table. it was very odd. i assume it's something the manager looks at to make sure that each of the waitresses talked to us. but that's a really weird concept. finally, when one of the waitresses was signing i asked what it was all about. she told us she was just saying hi. which was bullcrap. so i asked if we could take the piece of paper with us for our scrapbook or if we needed to leave it here. she didn't even look up at me. she just finished signing her name and said "it's your world. do whatever you want. don't worry about the consequences." and then she walked away. we thought that was hilarious. so then we filled in the whole piece of paper with made-up names.
on our way home, we passed tim allen's star on the sidewalk of stars with names on them.

tim allen from memory

last night, at dinnner, at the hooters of hollywood, we saw a picture on the wall. in the picture was funnyman, tim allen, with two hooters women. tim was wearing glasses and suspenders. the hooters women were wearing t-shirts that said "hooters." inspired by tim allen, my friend patrick and i drew pictures of tim allen from memory later that night. above is mine. below is patrick's. patrick wins for using tim's catchphrase, "more power! arf! arf! arf!"

patrick is coming to town

my friend patrick is coming to town. i have to go to work now. but by the time i get home from work, he will be in my apartment, waiting.

i am terrified.

i hope you're happy!

i don't know if this is a saying people still say anymore. but i feel like i heard it a lot as a kid. like i'd be too impatient to wait for my mom to pour me some kool-aid, so i'd try to pour it myself and of course i'd spill the whole damn thing and then my mom would say "now nobody gets any kool-aid! i hope you're happy!" and of course, i would not be happy. i'd be quite the opposite. and to be frank, i don't even think my mom was actually hoping that i was happy. i realize that, in writing, it might seem like my mom was glad that no one would get kool-aid and she genuinely wished for my happiness. but, you guys, the way she said it indicated otherwise. she would say it in a way that made it seem like she actually wanted me to feel really bad about the fact that no one would get any kool-aid.

i don't want to make my mom sound mean. she's nice. i honestly don't remember any specific time when she said, "i hope you're happy" in a mean way. but i was thinking about that phrase and how it's commonly used in the mean way. but if you look at the words, it's really like the kindest thing you could ever say to somebody. so i'm gonna try to start using that saying all the time. hopefully it will confuse the hell out of people.

retraction

schoolpants is issuing it's first ever retraction. well, it's not so much a retraction as a late birthday wish. you see, for certain friends, i wrote blog posts wishing them happy birthday on their birthdays, like scotto and sam harken harken, for example. but for others, i didn't write birthday posts. for example, my friend kienan had a birthday 2 weeks ago and i said nothing of it. and my "friend" molly had a birthday back on national clown day and i wrote about clowns instead. i put "friend" in quotation marks because i don't exactly think of her as a friend. i think of her more as just one of those people who WON'T fade away into my past. like, i've had a lot of great friends who have just sort of grown apart from me, who i haven't talked to in ages. but molly's one of those people who just keeps forcing her way back into my life one way or another.

anyway, she called me up on october 26th to complain about the august 1st post. that's how often she reads my blog. and she DEMANDED that i write her a birthday post. this is pretty typical molly behavior. and to people who don't know her, she probably sounds pretty awful. but i will defend her now: sure, she's loud and crass and bossy. sure, she doesn't cry during sad movies or listen to you while you're talking. and yeah, she makes fun of poor people and she's super racist. but she's also probably my favorite person in the world. i don't know why. maybe because i'm stupid. or maybe because she's pretty and smart and funny and sometimes gives me presents. also, we went to school together a way long time ago and we used to have SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!
Happy Birthday, Stupid!

panthers have weird teeth

weird, right?

halloweens

halloween is a good time to just do the stupid things you like doing that are too dumb to do in public every other day of the year. a lot of women use halloween to dress as sluttily as they would like to other days. some people use halloween to dress in drag because that's what they are into. some people dress up like vampires, because they are nerds. me, i like to draw on myself. i don't know why. it's fun to me. face paint is particularly fun. above is a collection of photos of myself from halloweens past.

and i'm gonna let you in on a little secret: the one labeled "2008" is not from halloween 2008. it's actually from a random night in june of 2008. you see, in october of 2008, i was new to los angeles and didn't really have any friends. so i didn't go to any halloween parties. but in june of 2008, i was living with my friends patrick, kenji, and axel and one night i painted my face because it's fun and when you're hanging out with good friends, you don't need an excuse like halloween to be a weirdo.

fish

a lot of people think that fish are like robots, in that they don't have any feelings. but i think robots are more like monkeys, because they walk funny.

more on soda pop (moron soda pop)

i have two more things to say on the subject of soda pop:

1) you can't find Faygo too many places. but they had it where i grew up. and that was another kind of pop i drank a lot as a kid. but i mostly got it from vending machines. we didn't have Faygo at home much. i have two things to say about why Faygo was great:

• they had all kinds of great flavors, such as red pop, orange, grape, root beer?, i don't remember what else.
• it was 25cents per can from the vending machines.

2) i told this girl at work that my middle name was soda pop and she believed me and drew a picture of a soda pop and put it on my locker.