burger citizen

i want to be a burger citizen!

cheesy gordita crunch, please!

this hotel we stayed at had a button that you could push to get taco bell delivered to your room! why don't hotels in the united states have that? i think it's a great idea! only this one didn't work. i pressed it a lot.

ice coffee

just so you know: if you order an ice coffee Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic, they give you a cup with ice, milk, a few shots of espresso, and an ice cream bar. And they act like it's the most normal thing in the world.

this place seems fancy

maybe a little too fancy.

best potato chip ad

this is the best potato chip advertisement in the history of the potato chip advertising world. if you own a potato chip company and your ads don't look like this one, you're doing it wrong.

premium weiners

weiners is a funny word and it always will be. deal with it.

chickenhead

i like this guy but i want to know the story behind him. there's so much about him i don't understand. he's part chicken, part man, that much is clear. but how? one human parent and one chicken parent? did his head get ripped off and the only hope to save him was with a chicken head transplant? whatever the case, why is he using his part chicken-part man celebrity to sell fried chicken? does he hate chickens? does he hate himself? or is the true purpose of existence for chickens only to be fried and enjoyed by humans? is he helping his chicken brothers and sisters reach their full potential?

also, i'd like to know if that's a good chicken place. i haven't tried it yet.

wine tasting

wine tasting is awesome. you get to taste a bunch of fancy wines and learn about how they're made and stuff. it was really interesting. but what i found most interesting was that nobody really talked about how drinking wine can get you drunk, which, to me, is one of the coolest things about wine.

pretty darn good sammich

peanut butter, jelly, and banana. try it.

not a butt

this looks like a little white butt. it's not though. it's a food called burrata and it tastes very good.

she's a good cook

emily's a really good cook and i'm a really good eater. we get along just fine.

funny menu = the best food

the beef tongue pairs very well with the slice orange. but if you're going to have the marrow guts, i would recommend something lighter to drink, like the mountain deu.

butter

i don't know how long that butter's been sitting out. i don't know if it's good anymore.

i like ramen

i like ramen. it's delicious and easy to make and practically free. how many foods can you say that about? i can only think of two. one of them is ramen and the other one i swore to samy sosa that i'd never tell anybody about. sorry.

pb&j on a sd em

the other day, i made what i thought was a revolutionary lunch. it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a toasted sourdough english muffin. it was delicious. i enjoyed it thoroughly and thoroughly patted myself on the back for this brilliant invention. when i bragged to my girlfriend about it, she informed me that she had made herself the same lunch just last week.

joanna's snacks

there's a place called joanna's snacks. i've never gone inside. but every time i pass it, i think, "i like that sign. that sign is funny."

trix rabbit

my dad made this when he was a kid. i like it a lot. i don't like it that the kids never gave the trix rabbit any trix. i think that was mean. it would've been okay if they were like "no, trix are to rabbits what chocolate is to dogs! we're depriving you of trix for your own good, bunny!" but no. they just dismissed him as a "silly" rabbit. to this day, whether they ask for trix or not, every time i see a rabbit i offer it trix. or twix. they almost always prefer the twix. i would too, i suppose. unless it was breakfast time. i guess i just don't see a lot of rabbits around breakfast time. funny. come to think of it, i've NEVER seen a rabbit at breakfast time. what's the deal with THAT? maybe trix isn't for them.

worried beer foam man

i got a beer the other day and in the foam, lived a worried little bubble man with no shirt, a big belt, and sort of a mermaid tail. i didn't want him to worry anymore, so i drank the beer as fast as i could. i think it worked. i stopped worrying about stuff too!

they're both good

guys, i don't want to start a big debate. i think both ketchup and mustard are great condiments. let's just leave it at that.

also, if you have a band called "ketchup" or "mustard" and want to use one of these as an album cover, you're welcome to it. i just ask for $100million. i think that's fair.

guinness float

i made a guinness float. it seemed like a brilliant idea because i love guinness and i love iced creams. but i gotta tell ya, maybe halfway through, i was like, "get the hell outta my way, iced creams!"