seals

seals are lazy.

one of my favorite jokes is about seals. i used to say it a lot. you go, "what's a seal's favorite class in school?" and the other person goes "i don't know. what?" (or some variation of that) and then you go "art art art," like how a seal talks and while you say it, just for emphasis, you clap your hands together like a seal does.

bad billboard

it's hard to see but it says "DRAMATIZATION" at the bottom of the picture. and the boss is daintily drinking a cappuccino. and he's looking at the back of her head.

big=famous

this is a famous place. i don't know why it's famous. i don't know if the donuts are any good. and i don't know if the owner's name is really randy. but i know that the fake donut on top of the place is big (for a donut).

so maybe that's why it's famous.

good news guys!

it's true. it is.

1,000th BLOG POST

Hey Gang: This is a big moment for the ol' blog. This is the 1,000th blog post. How crazy is that? I've been doing this thing for awhile now, I guess. It's been lots of fun and I bet you a million doll-hairs it stays pretty stinking fun.

A lot has changed since I started doing this dumb thing and probably a lot more will change. But I bet one thing doesn't change: I get bored easily and i amuse myself with schoolpants (the blog, not the pants).

I completely forgot until just now that 500 posts ago, I predicted that by today, we'd all be happier and better looking. I think I was right. Half right, anyway. Keep up the good work, guys. I'll get started on the next 1,000 post-haste!

cat toy (for cats)

they're making these things for cats now??? i think they're trying to copy my kids show for kids template.

missing tree head

this tree's head fell off. if you have any information about how this tree lost it's head please contact me at schoolpants@gmail.com.

beethoven's 2nd

i remember when Beethoven's 2nd came out, i made fun of the previews a lot. but it's on hbo right now and i've sort of watched the last 25 minutes or so and i gotta say, i'm kind of into it. charles grodin is hilarious. bonnie hunt is a delight. the nerdy one from step by step is in it. the cool one from that 70s show is in it. there was a spin doctors song. and lots of puppies. what a stupid jerk kid i was when this came out. how could i have not wanted to see this?

big head

i have a big head. not literally, but metaphorically. and i'm okay with that.

we rented a car and the inside looked like a transformer and it was dumb and nothing worked and i didn't like it. the whole thing reminded me of this thing my mom used to always yell at me and still does from time to time: don't try to look like a transformer. just do what you're supposed to do.

schoolpants dance party

it's that time of day again: time for a dance party. go.

hobo socks

my nephew luke wears hobo socks.

dles

things that end in "dles" are silly. riddles, piddles, poodles, fiddles, oodles, noodles, ladles, needles, candles, handles, doodles, streudles, kanoodles, hurdles, and curdles."

dino nerds

one thing i've always found interesting about the dinosaur culture is that dinosaurs themselves were these big reckless party animals and the people who love them so much are nerdy little kids. so if these dino-enthusiasts actually got to meet the objects of their affection, they might not actually hit it off. unless, maybe there were nerdy little dinosaurs.

the other obvious scenario where dino-enthusiasts could hit off with real dinosaurs is my own scenario: a nerdy little kid who is a big reckless party animal.

sleepy cat

guys, i really apologize for all the cat photos as of late. i don't know what's wrong with me. but how funny is it that he fell asleep without even resting his head? my answer is: pretty funny.

waded

it's been a long time since i've waded through anything. i can't even think of the last time i waded.

upside-down chin-nose gag

this gag doesn't work so hot when you've got hairs growing out of your chin.

carrots

eating carrots helps you get better at seeing everything. but sometimes you see sad stuff. be careful out there.

good dinner

i don't know how much you guys know about dinners, but this is a good one.

confusing

i don't know what confuses me most about this.

my friend antoine

my friend antoine has weird teeth, but man can he make shadow puppets!

legos or something?

this turkey vulture is built out of legos or something. probably not legos. but something. i think. i dunno. to be perfectly honest with you guys, i'm not even sure it's a turkey vulture.

old tiny beers

we found these tiny beers in my grandpa's cupboard. they didn't have a date on them but they tasted older than me.

tall people

do tall people think that everyone else looks like a little kid?

swim with tigers?

the other day i saw this ad on facebook. i didn't click on it because i assume it's a scam or something. but is this a real thing? is there a place where you can swim with tigers in LA??? if so, WHY are people allowed to do that? the only thing that would be worse than being mauled by a tiger is drowning while being mauled by a tiger ... i mean, from what i've heard.

weird brian

my friend brian is weird.

cat hair cut

look who got a haircut! and look who doesn't know how to hold a cat!

tree fell over

a tree fell over on our house.

i didn't do it.

golden birthday

a couple of days ago, i had a birthday. my GOLDEN birthday, to be exact. i had never heard of that. apparently, your golden birthday is when you turn to gold.

happy birthday everybody!

name dropping

i don't mean to brag but um, i hung out with mario and the princess yesterday. there were fireworks, hot air balloons and TONS of mushrooms.

sunny naps

this is how i sleep when the sun is in my eyes. it's cute when the cat does it, but if you saw me do it, you'd be like, "gross, how does he get his back to bend like that? and why is he sleeping naked on the couch? and oh my god is that a tail?"