cemetery movies

we recently saw a screening of alfred hitchcock's strangers on a train at the hollywood forever cemetery. it was awesome. if you haven't seen that movie, i recommend seeing it. if you haven't seen a movie at the cemetery, i recommend doing that. and if you ever get to see that movie at the cemetery, well, obviously do it because you'd be killing two birds with one stone. two birds i told you to kill. DO MY BIDDING!

wrat of titans

did you guys see wrat of titans? i didn't. even though it was only $300.

celeb sighting

living in los angeles means that sometimes you get to hang out with celebrities

beethoven's 2nd

i remember when Beethoven's 2nd came out, i made fun of the previews a lot. but it's on hbo right now and i've sort of watched the last 25 minutes or so and i gotta say, i'm kind of into it. charles grodin is hilarious. bonnie hunt is a delight. the nerdy one from step by step is in it. the cool one from that 70s show is in it. there was a spin doctors song. and lots of puppies. what a stupid jerk kid i was when this came out. how could i have not wanted to see this?

no! bad afternoont!

i think tyler perry is trying to kill me.

i don't know why he's doing it but, clearly, he is trying to convince me that i am some sort of outerspace alien that doesn't understand anything that is happening on this planet. i think his ultimate plan is that i accidentally blow my brains out while trying to establish contact with my home galaxy.

netflix keeps inventing genres

What'd you ask? What types of movies do I like? Oh, I mostly watch tortured-genius movies. I guess I'd have to say my all-time favorite of that genre would be Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. As far as forbidden-love movies go, I think The Illusionist tops that list, for me, personally.

those are comedies?

I just saw a television commercial for that new movie "Morning Glory" and one of the reviews called it "the funniest comedy since The Devil Wears Prada."

I'm genuinely confused.

netflix is being condescending

so i finally splurged and got a netflix subscription. so far, my favorite part of having it is rating movies. if you've never used it, here's how it works: it asks you to rate movies or let them know if you haven't seen movies. so like Tommy Boy will show up and you click five stars because that movie's a classic and then it'll ask how often you watch slapstick movies like Tommy Boy and you say sometimes because you don't want to say often because that's not entirely true.

but then Back to the Future showed up. it's one of my all time favorite movies, so i was excited and proud to check five stars and i was prepared for it to ask me how often i watch awesome movies like Back to the Future and i was going to say often. but then netflix DIDN'T ask how often i watch awesome movies like B to the F. netflix asked me how often i watch movies for ages 11 to 12 like B to the F.

screw you, netflix. ... i did click "often," though.

secret agency

i'm pretty sure my friend kienan might be a secret guy working for the government's secret agency. i snapped this photo of him last weekend as he was fleeing what appears to be the scene of a crime. notice the car hanging off the bridge in the background. also notice his mustache is way better than mine.

anyway, the government's secret agency is an organization that finds out and keeps secrets. if you've ever seen any of those James Spond movies, it's kind of like that. but REAL LIFE! and american.

post parachuting post

well, i'm back from my first skydive and, so far as i can tell, i didn't die. it was fun and it is something i want to do more often. what was really cool is that we got to do it right in downtown chicago.

just kidding. but in front of our hotel, while we were waiting for a valet guy to get our car, these dudes jumped out of helicopter and landed in front of our building. they were doing it on camera for the new Transforming Robots movie. which is a movie about transforming robot aliens that can be cars and help boys make out with babes or something? i don't know. they're nerd movies. i'm no nerd, so i don't know anything about that.

marmelduke!

you guys remember when we were kids and every sunday morning we'd sit and wait on the front lawn for the paperboy to throw the morning newspaper at us so that we could tear it open and go straight for the funny pages to check in on the latest installment of Marmelduke??? and remember how every sunday morning we'd laugh and laugh reading that week's Marmelduke over and over and asking ourselves, "HOW have they NOT made this into a movie yet???" remember that?

for those of you who aren't into the funny-pages-scene, allow me to catch you up on why Marmelduke is the best American Saga ever told: Marmelduke is this really big dog, okay? not like "Clifford the Big Red Dog" big but like, realistic Great Dane big. and like, he just does whatever he wants! he loves sandwiches, he gets all excited when the doorbell rings, he doesn't like to take baths, basically he's a renegade. he plays by his own rules. and it is a riot!

what's that you say? it just sounds like a normal dog. like normal stories you'd hear from a dog owner? like it would be the worst thing ever to turn into a major motion picture?

yeah, i guess your right. now if you'll excuse me, i need to get back to work on my Family Circus script. (spoiler alert: billy runs around in the backyard for 2 hours)

the frasier kranes show

have you guys seen Frajir? it's this hilarious show about the british guy from Cheers. he has this hilarious dad who's ashamed of him and there's a dog that does tricks! then there's this other guy who's just like frajir and he's in love with frajir's butler. oh, and frajir is a radio dj. it's AWESOME!

seriously, i like frasier. it's funny.

my nephew the robot

i'm working on a script called "my nephew the robot." it's about a robot that runs on candy and has a paper bag for a hand. when they authorities start asking questions, the quick thinking renegade scientist explains, "nah, he ain't a robot. he's my nephew." so then he has to get the kid (robot) enrolled in kindergarten and he has to teach (program) it to ride a bike. they get into all kinds of high jinks and have a lot of laughs along the way. and in the process, the robot becomes a real boy. it's a modern day Pinocchio.

just kidding. but, you know what's stupid? i just made all that up based on this short video clip i got of my nephew on easter but if i were famous and pitched that idea to disney, they would totally make it and i would be rich.

pleasant park

Pleasant Park from Pete Ohs on Vimeo.

my friend pete made this movie. it is awesome for about a dozen reasons.

i love this movie.

movie reviews

my boy friend, patrick rule ... well, he's not my BOYFRIEND. he's my friend who is a boy. geez. get your minds out gutters! get a room! get bent! sit on it! go fly a kite! this is for the birds!

anyway, my friend (who happens to be a boy, named patrick rule) made a movie called "going at the movies" and it's about movies. CAN YOU IMAGINE? so if you like movies and want them reviewed. check out Going at the Movies.

i'm laughing at it ... and so could you be!

groundhog day!

well, today is groundhog day and we all know what that means: absolutely nothing.

but one thing that today makes me think of is that wonderful foreign film "atrapado en el tiempo," starring guillermo 'bill' murray (in his first spanish speaking role!) as that wacky weatherman, stuck in Punxsutawney, PA due to an unexpected blizzard.

today also makes me think of groundhogs. commonly referred to as "nature's hamsters," groundhogs have played an integral role in the world we live in today. without them, we likely wouldn't have modern irrigation, basic alegebra, or an additional six weeks of winter each year. so next time you pop an "mp3" into your car radio to listen to your favorite record ... thank a gofer.

or groundhog or whatever. same difference.

serious question

i was walking to this UPS dropbox in the Taft Building, to return some DCs that were a size too small in exchange for some new balances i'm really excited about, and i passed a bus hut advertisement for "madea goes to jail." the title made me think of a cruddy movie that i, myself, had watched as a boy and i was shocked that i hadn't made the connection earlier: is madea like ernest for black people?
i'm not even trying to be funny. i'm just trying to understand. i watched an episode of tyler perry's "house of payne" last year to see what all the hubbub was about. i was baffled. but i think this madea-ernest connection might offer me a little insight. i mean, the ernest franchise was baffling in and of itself, but i came to accept it. if i can come to accept that the tyler perry franchise is a similarly bewildering phenomena, then i can stop trying to understand and just let it be.

i'm a loner, dottie. a rebel.

i don't have to work tomorrow. and when i don't have to work tomorrow, i feel it's absolutely necessary to enjoy myself tonight. even though i was tired and grumpy, i refused to go to bed early like a responsible adult. because going to bed early is for school nights. and this, most certainly, is not one of those.

so i racked my brain for a way to unwind. i felt i hadn't watched a movie in awhile. hadn't drank any alcohol in awhile, neither. why not do both? so i drank some whiskey and watched "pee-wee's big adventure." now just to be clear, i am a big fan of pee-wee herman. he's a fictional character that had a very strong influence on me growing up and he continues to be a source of inspiration to this day. i've had many an argument about mr. herman.

a lot of people, particularly females, do not appreciate what pee-wee provides to children and adults alike. i see him as honest, imaginative, individualistic, enthusiastic and manic. all of which, children should be. he also stands up for himself and displays a punk-rock attitude, as witnessed here:


for more on pee-wee's love for hobos and punkrock, click on the respective words.

there was this one time in 8th grade: before we went to lunch, we all had to stand and pray, then line up to go to the cafeteria (i went to a catholic school). and i had miss vance for homeroom and she was scary. she wouldn't yell. she'd just stare at you until you'd be quiet. she was very intimidating. anyway, one day as she was staring at us, waiting for us to quiet down so we could pray and go to lunch, me and nathaniel prodouz were quoting lines from pee-wee's big adventure. i was doing the scene where pee-wee and simone are sitting in the dinosaur, waiting to watch the sunrise. and pee-wee is telling simone to follow her dreams and move to paris. she says she would but ... and pee-wee says "but what ..." and then, in the classroom, everyone quieted down right at the moment when i finished the line "everyone i know has a big but(t)." and miss vance was staring at me and everyone cracked up. miss vance rolled her eyes and said "in the name of the father" and everyone stopped laughing and started praying.

si-neck-tah-key

what'dya expect dummy? this movie was nuts. and i liked it. a lot. i like phil hoffman's face a lot. i like charlie kaufman's brain a lot. i snuck a ginger ale into the theater. i like ginger ale a lot. it's my new thing. ginger ale.

the movie theater smelled like armor all. then it smelled like bacon. i think someone brought a snack.

there was a woman sitting two seats to my right who cracked up at the wrong parts. she was annoying. before the movie started, they had one of those anti-cell phone ads where a guy is on his fone during a movie and some aliens vaporized him. the dumb broad to my right got a real kick out that. i was tempted to move seats at that point. but it was a small theater and she was a loud laugher. so what's the point. anyway, about a half-hour into the movie, i think she got lost in the plot. she didn't laugh for the rest of the movie.