2012 new year

it's almost time for a new year. and that means a new theme.

new year's eve video

The New Year's Kiss - watch more funny videos

here is a video i directed and edited for the good people of The Get Go, a sketch team that lives at the Upright Citizen's Brigade theatre in los angeles. happy new year!

ear lobes

ear lobes are weird. just fyi.

the 7th floor

i'm scared of the 7th floor. i've never been up there but i've heard plenty of rumors. apparently, if you ever go up there, you end up back in the lobby somehow, only everything is upside-down. and you're stuck in this upside down world. and if you go outside, you fall into the sky and get burned up in the earth's atmosphere.

uncle fudd

this is my uncle fudd. he's ca-razzzzzy. but he sure knows how to party*.

*by party, i mean pretend an airplane is a horse.

they're both good

guys, i don't want to start a big debate. i think both ketchup and mustard are great condiments. let's just leave it at that.

also, if you have a band called "ketchup" or "mustard" and want to use one of these as an album cover, you're welcome to it. i just ask for $100million. i think that's fair.

guinness float

i made a guinness float. it seemed like a brilliant idea because i love guinness and i love iced creams. but i gotta tell ya, maybe halfway through, i was like, "get the hell outta my way, iced creams!"

christmas video

SECRET SANTA OFFICE PARTY - EPISODE 3	UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

here is a christmas video i directed. it's all improvised. MOM THERE ARE BAD WORDS IN THIS VIDEO DON'T WATCH IT!

Merry Christmas from Schoolpants

Seasons Greetings from Schoolpants

from this airplane

this is what chicago looks like:

 and this is what indiana looks like:

i like these places. they are both good to look at from airplanes and both good to be in on foot.

darn cat

i love this darn cat. i never much cared for cats until this little jerk befriended me. now i can't get enough of him.

all the best pops

my parents have this pop machine in the garage. it is awesome. it has buttons for 7up, Diet 7up, Cherry 7up, Country Time Lemonade, RC Cola, Hawaiian Punch, Squirt, and Diet Rite. you know, all of the popular soda pops!
i don't know if you know how pop machines work, but we could put whatever kinds of soda pop in there that we wanted. we'd just have to remember to put notes on what soda was in what category. like you have to remember that to get a Mountain Dew you have to hit the RC Cola button. or whatever.
sometimes we'd put Country Time in where the Country Time was supposed to go. we liked Country Time. we went through a real phase with it. i don't know if they even make that stuff anymore. but i'll tell you what, a cold can of Country Time really hit the spot after a long jump on the tramp.
anyway, it was cool having a pop machine in our garage.
also, the tramp is what we called the trampoline.
we didn't jump on that dog from the disney movie.

helicopter bugs and toilet paper tubes

last night i had a weird dream that there was this weird bug that was kind of shaped like a helicopter but he had bug skin and regular bug wings and he was green like a praying mantis and he was flying around in my parents basement and my brother told me to hit with a toilet paper tube and so i did and then it just flew around faster like it was mad. then my brother laughed and said watch out because those things spit blood and poison. and then i was like "oh crud" and so i was trying to stay away from it but it kept coming after me so i was using the toilet paper tube to defend myself but my girlfriend was worried and told me to stop fighting it because she didn't want me to get sprayed with blood and poison and my brother was just laughing the whole time. because it was probably pretty funny to watch. i wasn't mad at him. i kept thinking, "man, he's lucky. i bet this is hilarious to watch."

then i woke up. dreams are crazy.

flannel man

Warning: A flannel man has been reported lurking about the house this morning. He was last seen eating cereal in front of the television. He is rumored to be bored and fairly sleepy. Be on the lookout!

serious question

do cats not have spines?

embarrassing

blockbuster, just admit defeat and give up. you're embarrassing yourself.

scrapey armpit

ah, nothing scrapes the ol' armpit up quite like an almost empty stick of deodorant.

hot dog in trouble

oh my god ... he's gonna ... he's gonna eat himself! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT HOT DOG!

the feast of st. nicholas

when we were kids, we'd put our shoes out the night before st. nicholas day (december 6) and then when we woke up, there would be candy in our shoes. nowadays when i do it, my shoes are gone when i wake up. last year, my shoes were there, but they had rats living in them.

i don't know what happened to st nicholas between then and now but i'm worried about him.

full of it!

i don't know anything about this woman or her product, but based on the label alone, i feel 100% confident that she is full of shit.

hot & fluffy

this seems like probably the worst idea for anything ever.

baby sandworms

i know they are really dangerous but i just can't help myself! baby sandworms are so darn cute!

weird flexibility

how is this possible? momo's got the gumby arms.

no picture needed

this seems a little more graphic than it needs to be. just say clean up after your dog. we know you mean poop.

cough drops

my favorite kind of cough drops are the Larry Bird and Weightlifter Guy with the Lady Leg kind that i made. they taste like jolly ranchers because that's what they are.

hide and seek round 3

nice try! i see you, Mo!

directions

the future's wide open, friends! go wherever you want.

3 years of schoolpants

Friends and Enemies: gather ye round! for this day, the 3rd day of the 12th month of the 11th year of the 21st century marks the 3rd anniversary of this, the schoolpants blog.

oh the memories we've had on this journey of three years! i don't remember any of them but i know they're there! i can just click on the archive and see the old junk and, well you get the picture. it's all documented in the internet!

thank you for reading all the stuff and watching all things and looking at all the other things. i'll keep doing it til i stop doing it. i love you. sort of.

long cat

you probably didn't know this but Mo is a very long cat.

the importance of nose

mickey mouse is utterly terrifying without his nose. with his nose? only somewhat terrifying.

men's stockings

if you're looking for men's stockings & underwear, this place simply cannot be beat!