condor puppets

even with all the dead animals we saw at the zoo on sunday, i still think the saddest part of the dead animal zoo was the condor puppet. here's the gist of it: baby condor chicks are really weird and gross looking. and they've got this thing in the brain that makes them think that they are like whatever the first thing that feeds them is like. so if they see a human zookeeper feed them the first time they get fed, they're like "hey i'm like that dude. when i grow up, i want to make babies with something that looks like that dude, because that's what i am." so then, when the condor chick grows up, it always wants to make babies with these zookeeper dudes and the zookeeper dudes are like "gross! get away from me! i don't like you like that!" and that makes the condors feel sad and unwanted. conversely, other condors see our zoo condors and want to make babies with them, our zoo condors are like "gross! get away from me! you're gross!" and they don't make babies. and then condors go extinct.

so to trick the condor babies, these zookeepers make these really gnarly looking condor hand puppets and they feed them with the puppet. so then, the baby condor chick sees it and thinks, "hey, i'm a gross condor puppet like that thing!" then when it grows up it wants to make babies with gnarly condor puppets, but you know, there aren't too many of those. so when the condor sees other REAL condors, she's like "eh, i'll take what i can get." and presto change-o! the zoo condor species lives on through lies and puppetry! this is how zoo-evolution works! survival of the most gullible.