yankee doodle was an idiot

that's not what macaroni is.

this is how television works

that's pretty much it.

trap

did i tell you guys i make videos for ucbcomedy.com now? well, i do. this is the first video i directed for them. it was written by matt kowalick who is a member of the birthday boys who are probably the funniest sketch group in the world right now.

you should check them out. and stay tuned for more videos at ucbcomedy.com because i've shot a few more but they're not up yet. so chill out, you spaz.

yeah, i'm a disgusting human being

so i tried the infamous "double down" sandwich from kfc a few weeks ago. i guess maybe "sandwich" should be in quotes. there's no bread, you see. there are two pieces of fried chicken in lieu of bread. and the "meat" of the "sandwich" is bacon. and then of course every sandwich has cheese and some unknown sauce in the middle too. so that's what the double down is. and a lot of people think it's disgusting because it doesn't have bread. but that's a stupid reason to think something's disgusting. i, for one, think the double down is a good idea. my only complaint is that there wasn't a TON of chicken, which i guess is fine since the chicken is playing the role of bread in this "sandwich" and you'd never want a TON of bread on a sandwich. but there should be more "meat" in this "sandwich." namely, there should be more bacon. and i wouldn't mind a slice of tomato in there to healthy this thing up.

surfing

sometimes i think, "man, i should try surfing." then other times i'm just like, "nah, i'd probably stink at it."

what the shrek?

i don't know if it's like this where you live, but in my neighborhood, there are billboards and benches everywhere that say "what the shrek just happened?"

i, personally, am a big fan of them. not the shrek movies but the billboards and benches that say "what the shrek just happened?" what a hilarious catchprase! i want so bad for this to catch on as slang! i mean, why the shrek not? it's just as dumb as anything else. let's shrek this new slang into circulation.

hundred thousand miles

the other day, i reached one hundred thousand miles on my car's odometer. that means if you took the distance my car has traveled and turned those miles into twine, you would have enough twine to tie a big bow around jupiter. if you took that twine and turned it into orange juice, you would have more orange juice than tropicana has produced in the last 50,000 years. if you took that orange juice and turned it back into miles, that's a pretty cool trick, man.

*all facts and figures are made up.

blowing kisses

did you guys ever notice how blowing kisses is the funniest thing you can do, ever?

try it out, you jerks! it's hilarious!

the frasier kranes show

have you guys seen Frajir? it's this hilarious show about the british guy from Cheers. he has this hilarious dad who's ashamed of him and there's a dog that does tricks! then there's this other guy who's just like frajir and he's in love with frajir's butler. oh, and frajir is a radio dj. it's AWESOME!

seriously, i like frasier. it's funny.

polishing the basketball

word to the wise: next time you're painting a basketball with white nail polish, open a window, man. otherwise, you're gonna start get dizzy and feels weird. uh oh.