today is my dear friend Davim Floum's birdthay. Danvum lives in korea. which is down ... over by china ... as far as you know. i drew Dabim a birthday card with a ham on it. because as we all know, the boy LOVES ham! am i right??? (applause) i remember a time: david wouldn't shut up about this ham that he had seen in a deli shop window. you see, in those days, we'd go "window shopping." basically, what that means is we'd go to the bad part of town and check out store windows. we'd find a shop that was really struggling to make ends meet. then we'd offer the shopkeeper forty dollars for his window. "for the window?" he'd ask. "yessir," we'd shout. "i don't understand. the window isn't for sale. perhaps you boys are looking for a window store," the shopkeeper would inevitably say. then we'd smash the window and say something like "who needs a window store now, j-hole?!" you see, back in those days the letter J stood for "ass."
anyway, david got it in his head that he just HAD to have this ham from the local deli. he begged me to lend him the four dollars necessary for the purchase of the ham. but i refused. "you'll never learn the value of a dollar until you work for it," i insisted. "fine then. hire me. i'll work off the four dollars," he said. well, that sounded like a pretty darn good deal to me. i handed over the four dollars and screamed, "you're hired!" a slap on the back and a hardy handshake sealed the deal. "now exactly what is it that you do?" i asked. "i'm a hameater," he explained. "well, get to work!" i demanded. "need a ham, boss," he pointed out.
long story short, we became inseparable friends. enclosed is a picture of me and dave. hammy birthday, jerk!