so what do you do on saint padraig's day when you live in a land that doesn't appreciate irish culture? simple, listen to some irish music and drink with a few friends. but wait, there's another kink in the plan: you don't have any friends. fair enough, just listen to some irish music and drink alone. but wait, yet another kink in the plan: you might be catching a cold.
now that's a real pickle. it's bad luck not to drink on st. paddy's day. so here's what you do: mix some pomegranate juice blend (antioxidents); some orange-pineapple juice (vitamin c); some banana slices (potassium); a splash of cran-raz (uh ... good for the kidneys?); and a healthy dose of vodka (st paddy's day). now you're drinking healthy.
by the way, i was kidding earlier when i said that was a real pickle. it's not a pickle at all. you're a sissy if a little "cold" is going to stop you from drinking. that reminds me of a time in college. a couple weeks before graduation, i caught what some doctors call "mono." for those of you who haven't heard of it, mono is a made-up disease that people use to get out of school. i had "mono" pretty bad for about 12 hours. it came for me in the middle of the night, in a hotel in louisville, kentucky (pronounced lulvll knuky). it caught me off guard and nearly killed me. the town of louisville and i have a bad history, so i wasn't altogether surprised that death ambushed me there. luckily, my then-girlfriend was able to nurse me back to health with wet face-cloths and glasses of tap water.
days later, back in indiana, some doctors took a bunch of blood out of my arm and put it in a tube. they put the tube in this device they called a centrifuge. it spun the tube of blood around in circles, and somehow told the doctors i had mono. they told me i should take it easy and that i didn't have to go to my classes. i still went to the classes i felt like going to and pretty much went about my life as i always had. except i tried to sleep a little more often and not drink any booze. but after a few days (and here's where it ties back into why a cold shouldn't scare you out of drinking), my buddy demetri challenged my sobriety by arguing that "alcoholics must get sick from time to time and they never stop drinking, but they eventually get better" ... you can't argue with that logic. so i drank a lot all the way through graduation and beyond. thank you demetri.