today is the day that celebrates the day that my friend davib was born. every year i make him a card. this year i made him a card with a harp on it, because if there's one thing we never see davey without, it's that stupid godawful harp of his, am i right forks??? (applause)
dave is like a brother to me. sort of. i mean, i didn't meet him until i was nineteen. what kind of brother isn't around until your nineteen? a lousy one, if you ask me!
so the guy's a lousy brother. sue me! anyway, the guy can play a mean harp. i remember when we met at the Marion County Fairgrounds Third Annual Harp and Banjo Extravaganza Day. i was there selling banjo strings and trying to get my demo to a big banjo mogul named Clayton Frodhahmber. i was milling around behind clayton's trailer when i saw davey digging through clayton's trashcan. i grabbed him pretty hard by the arm.
"what's the scoop, chickadee!?" i demanded of him.
"i can't find my harp and my big recital is in ten minutes on the main stage," david squeeled.
"a likely story," i belched.
"it's true," he pleaded, as he winced at the smell of my belch.
"tell it to 'em downtown, bubba!" and i karate chopped him on the head. it knocked him out but it also really hurt my hand. i started crying pretty hard and when i get worked up like that i have a tendency to hyperventilate. so i fainted and when we came to, there was a crowd gathered around us. as my blurry vision came into focus, i realized that my hero was standing over me, mister clayton frodhahmber himself. he made some joke that insinuated that david and i were lovers. everyone laughed really hard. i guess the way i fainted and fell on him made it look like we were spooning.
anyway, long story short, davey's harp was in the trunk of his car THE WHOLE TIME!
happy birthday stupid!