butler winnings

one year ago today (well not necessarily today, but roughly a year ago) my friends chris desanty, patrick rule, adam shonkoff and myself made a silly movie. we wrote, shot, and edited the whole goofy thing in few days. we did it for a contest called campusmoviefest. it did okay. then we put it on something called atom.com and those suckers gave us $500 for it. after deducting expenses and then dividing everything amongst four people, we each got a little bit of money. i used my little bit of money to buy this casio mt-240. i'm siked to make super crappy music for my super crappy videos using this awesome crappy synthesizer.

movie reviews

my boy friend, patrick rule ... well, he's not my BOYFRIEND. he's my friend who is a boy. geez. get your minds out gutters! get a room! get bent! sit on it! go fly a kite! this is for the birds!

anyway, my friend (who happens to be a boy, named patrick rule) made a movie called "going at the movies" and it's about movies. CAN YOU IMAGINE? so if you like movies and want them reviewed. check out Going at the Movies.

i'm laughing at it ... and so could you be!

that's so raymond!

a new series. coming this fall.

p.rule: p.larious

my friend patrick rule drew a picture of me. he did it in low light, with music. and he added another rule to the mix: a three minute time limit. the result is pretty funny.
what i also like is the photo he used. it was taken around five years ago. and i had always believed that i stopped aging around the time when i was sixteen. but this photo made me realize i had changed. i compared it to the most recent photo i had of myself. as it turns out, over the last five years i have gotten skinnier and hairier. and i lost all my teeth. why did i used to shave my entire face except that one little spot? so weird.

dogs who wear clothes

it's chilly out today. i didn't know it would be chilly. the dog across the street was prepared. he is wearing a sweater today. it reminds me of college. there was this blind girl at my school who always hung out with this seeing-eye dog. they did EVERYTHING together. inseparable friends, you might call them. anyhow, one day it was raining and the dog was wearing a yellow raincoat. at lunch that day (in those days i ate lunch and dinner with my best friends EVERYDAY) my friend trent was telling us he saw the dog that morning wearing a raincoat and it occurred to trent that while the dog was wearing a raincoat AND under the umbrella held by his friend, the blind girl, trenton was without raincoat OR umbrella. we all discussed and agreed that the seeing-eye dog had his life together way moreso than any of us. and i still feel that way. seeing-eye dogs are probably the most selfless and disciplined creatures on the planet. seeing-eye dogs and flight attendants.

bored

when i was a little kid, i would get bored. a lot. i would get sad a lot too. i think the two might be linked. anyways, i'd get bored. so then i'd draw or something. but that was boring too. so i'd play nintendo or watch tv or something. but man, that stuff was sooooo boring too. i'd tell my mom i was bored and she'd tell me to go outside. but everything out there was boring. she'd tell me to clean my room. i'd remind her that cleaning is boring too.

now i'm not a little kid anymore.

today's my day off. i drew a boy with weird eyes and teeth. i named him steven. now i don't know what to do. EVERY OPTION SOUNDS AWFUL. so i'm asking you (the ten people who "follow" my blahg) what do YOU do for fun/to make you not so bored you want to blow your brains out? post a comment below or email me personally at idontcarewhatyoudo@yahoo.cup

can't sleep

sometimes at night, i can't sleep, so i make drarings. but sometimes i still can't sleep even after drarings. but sometimes, i read a book and that puts me to sleep.

but.

sometimes i have dreams about how i can't get to sleep all night and i'm worried that i'm going to have to leave for work soon. but then an alarm clock wakes me up and i realize it must have been a dream. so i must have been asleep. but it FELT like i couldn't get to sleep.

what a ripoff.

pebsi bird

tonights i drow my pebsi bird
"He's cuckoo for Pebsi!"

new shirts!

a couple of days ago, my friend pete ohs sent me an email entitled "my new shirt." attached to that email (via electronic paperclip) was an animated gif file. it was a series of photos depicting pete putting on a new shirt. it was cool. i wanted to make an animated gif file of ME putting on MY new shirt. there's only one problem: i'm dumb!

i couldn't figure out how to make an animated gif file. i wasted like 3 hours trying to figure it out. i got really frustrated and i punched things. and then i was 3 minutes late for work. but then today, i figured i should do SOMETHING with pete's gif and my failed gif. and one thing i DO know how to do is make crappy videos. so i did that. i even "wrote" some original music for the video.

take THAT, gif files!

movie cars ARE movie stars

last night, on the way home from work, i was behind a delorean. a real live delorean. like the one from my favorite movie trilogy of all time: back to the fyootch. i tried to take a picture with my cell phone but it didn't turn out. then i tried to pull up next to it to see if marty mcfly was driving. but he got away.

two failures. but THEN, a car that looked like the batmobile (circa the BATMAN FOREVER era) passed me. so i think a bunch of movie nerds who had bought old movie cars had just met up at taco bell or something to hang out and brag about their sweet cars.

Rob Braub: magic, juggling, and so on.

Another Rob Braub video for today. "moooo!" (cow)
today is my mom's birthday. and she likes Rob Braub. and here's another Rob Braub video. i didn't really make it for her birthday. it's mostly just coincidence. but still. happy birthday mom-o. you don't know about my blog. let's keep it that way.

tonight's art projects

Firtst: i invented a pepsi-bird-guy.

Seconcd: i drew a hilarious picture of my friend Trentonto.

crappy drawings of corny photographs

one of the funniest things in the world to me, nowadays, is lighting a candle, turning out the lights, putting on some good tunes, and then drawing a crappy version of a corny photo. it cracks me up. so much. it's really funny to try your best at drawing (in ink! no erasing!) and seeing how weird and goofy the result is. i almost always look at the finished product and cry laughing. it's so weird!

pepsi's new ad campaign

a lot of people out there are "coke" people. or "diet coke" people. when it comes to colas, the firmly stand their ground. but the thing is this: i'm not a big cola person. but dammit, pepsi's good too. and i don't think people give it a fair shot. today at lunch, i bought a bottle of pepsi-cola. it was very tasty. it was mexican pepsi and it came in a big glass bottle. you should try it. it tastes good. and it makes you feel cool walkin' around in the warm california sun, drinkin' a pepsi-cola out of a big glass bottle. it makes you feel like you're a part of generation next!

davim faulm's birdthay!

today is my dear friend Davim Floum's birdthay. Danvum lives in korea. which is down ... over by china ... as far as you know. i drew Dabim a birthday card with a ham on it. because as we all know, the boy LOVES ham! am i right??? (applause) i remember a time: david wouldn't shut up about this ham that he had seen in a deli shop window. you see, in those days, we'd go "window shopping." basically, what that means is we'd go to the bad part of town and check out store windows. we'd find a shop that was really struggling to make ends meet. then we'd offer the shopkeeper forty dollars for his window. "for the window?" he'd ask. "yessir," we'd shout. "i don't understand. the window isn't for sale. perhaps you boys are looking for a window store," the shopkeeper would inevitably say. then we'd smash the window and say something like "who needs a window store now, j-hole?!" you see, back in those days the letter J stood for "ass."

anyway, david got it in his head that he just HAD to have this ham from the local deli. he begged me to lend him the four dollars necessary for the purchase of the ham. but i refused. "you'll never learn the value of a dollar until you work for it," i insisted. "fine then. hire me. i'll work off the four dollars," he said. well, that sounded like a pretty darn good deal to me. i handed over the four dollars and screamed, "you're hired!" a slap on the back and a hardy handshake sealed the deal. "now exactly what is it that you do?" i asked. "i'm a hameater," he explained. "well, get to work!" i demanded. "need a ham, boss," he pointed out.

long story short, we became inseparable friends. enclosed is a picture of me and dave. hammy birthday, jerk!

i like tim and eric

it's no secret that i like tim and eric. i'm a fan. not only of their television programming but also of their friendship. but i did not know until yesterday that jimmy fallon, of all people, is also a fan of their friendship. he had them on his show and they were hilarious. and fallon revealed himself as an even nerdier fan than myself. rather than interviewing them, he basically described their show to them. it felt a lot like the "chris farley show" sketch from snl.

i drew a picture of you!

so last night, i was very tired but couldn't fall asleep. so i decided to draw pictures ... in bed ... by candlelight. i figured i'd try to draw pictures of people who have told me they have read my blog FROM MEMORY without looking at pictures of them (you). and i did it all IN INK so that i couldn't erase mistakes. and i kind of let my mind wander. so some people turned into clowns or acorns or spider-type-things or dustballs. it has nothing to do with the personality of the person. also, one girl turned out VERY SAD (top right corner) even though i don't think of her as a sad person. i hope she's (you're) not sad.

so: if you have ever mentioned to me that you have read my blog (even just once), then you are included in the drawing above. some people look a lot like their drawing (patrick rule) and some don't look much like their drawing at all (almost everyone else). i hope you're not offended.

back up to 421

a friend from home requested my facebook-friendship today and i gladly accepted. this cancels out whoever defriended me yesterday. take that, asshole. you can't hold me down.

good decorating day

today got off to a bumpy start. i woke up very late. had a chat with my friend patrick. watched an episode of the wire, followed by an episode of 30rock, followed by dozing on the couch for a bit. followed by a cup o' tea.

that's when things really started to happen. i bought a toy football at cvs and three (3) pictures from goodwill to hang on my walls. then i ate chinese food and watched tv. it was a good day. in terms of decorating the apartment. which are the only terms i ever consider. today i got the "last supper," a still from the "Lion King," and a picture of "me" to hang next to my bedroom door (so everyone knows whose bedroom is whose).

crappie joke continues

i got an issue of crappie world in the mail today. very intriguing read. thank you, whoever got me a subscription to crappie world.

someone defriended me!

just the other day, i noticed that i had 421 facebook friends. then TODAY i noticed that i only had 420 facebook friends. WHAT GIVES? somebody defriended me. and i can't figure out who.

i'm not offended. i was actually thinking about going through and deleting the people who i'm not actually friends with. but then i felt like that might be mean. plus i don't want to look like a nerd. i don't have many facebook friends as it is. four hundred and twenty friends is still nerd-status when it comes to facebook friends.

gone dishin'

i had a crazy couple o' days followed by a lazy couple o' days.
then my roommate yelled at me. i had already done the dishes (earlier this morning) but that wasn't the point. he wanted them done yesterday.

i love the muppins!

i love you, muppins. i want you to know i love you.
the muppins was a show on tv. a man named jimson hemson was working for tv at the time that they were making the show. and it was his idea. way to go!

like andre agassi

so today at work, this guy had a cool t-shirt, so i told him so, just to make sure he knew. and to make sure that he knew that i knew. he said thanks and that he got it in DC (the district of columbia). he told me he'd trade me it for my cool shirt. i told him, this was my dad's old golf shirt (and MY DAD is from DC). the guy said, "it makes me think of like," and he made a tennis gesture with his arm.
i helped him out, "tennis?"
"yeah," he confirmed, "it's like an old tennis shirt."
"like andre agassi?" i asked.
"exactly," he agreed. that made me feel awesome. when i was a kid, i was in the Andre Agassi Fan Club. i wasn't big on tennis. i mean, i played a little and took lessons and junk. but it always seemed like kind of a dumb game to me. but i liked andre agassi. mostly i think because i liked his hair and the way he dressed. and i knew that girls liked him. so i decided i wanted to be like him. so i joined the fan club. because apparently, that's what you do when you're nine and want to be like someone.

also, because i think my brother was in the Michael Jordan Fan Club and i wanted to do something similar but different. don't get me wrong, i liked jordan. i wasn't big on basketball. i just liked jordan because he was a cool dude and had awesome shoes. and because he could do whatever he wanted. i wanted to be like that. but agassi was more my cup of tea. his sport wasn't as mainstream. plus, he got more babes.

lohoff memorial laundry bag 2002-2009

things break and fall apart. that's life i guess. it's only sad if you want to be a wuss about it. in 2002, my friend bryan lohoff (my roommate at the time) lent me a laundry bag so that i could take my clothes to the laundromat. i thanked him. then he told me to keep it. i refused; it's too kind of him. he insisted; he had a much nicer laundry bag anyway. "cool," i said.
i acquired a lot of strange items from generous roommates. but no item was as useful or lasted me as long as the laundry bag i got from bryan. it went a lot of places with me: ireland, chicago, indianapolis, boston, and finally los angeles (where it met it's demise). it started fraying around the top a year or two ago in boston. it didn't matter. then the drawstring kind of stopped working. i tried to be more careful with it. finally, on my last trip to the laundromat, the bag was pretty much useless. the drawstring does nothing, the top is frayed, the bottom is coming off. it's barely a bag anymore.

i get attached to inanimate objects. it's dumb. but i can't help it. i anthropomorphize the shit out of everything. as a kid, i'd do it a lot with pens especially. when one of my favorite pens was running out of ink, i'd try to save it for special ideas or drawings.
anyway, nowadays i'm trying to get less attached to things. so i went out and bought a new laundry thing. it's like a mesh box. it looked bigger on the picture. i laughed when i opened it. but then i was really glad. i don't have a lot of clothes. so this thing is the perfect size. i also bought new sheets for my bed. my old sheets were this set of grey t-shirt sheets that i had had since 2001. i washed them often, don't worry. but they were very old. and also starting to fall apart. the new sheets are similar material but a different color. this doesn't sound like a big deal but these are very big changes in my life.
also, my friend sean gave me a new weird haircut. so ... lots o' changes. i'm a new man.

yo gabba gabba

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis AWESOME!
i just wanted to make sure you knew that. DJ Lance is the best human on this planet.

t-shirts

look how siked this guy is about this t-shirt:
i posted a couple days ago about how i'm gonna start making t-shirts for fun. my friend pete commented that he would pay for one of those shirts. i don't know if he was being sarcastic or not.

but i put my t-shirt ideas for sale on zazzle.com because i don't really know how to make my own t-shirts and i don't want to deal with money and stuff. so if you are like pete and would like to pay for one of those shirts, buy them from zazzle. they're pretty expensive (like $21.45 plus shipping). but there's not much i can do about that. i mean, i could put them on crappier t-shirts but that would only save like 3bucks. plus i really like american apparel t-shirts. they're the best. anyway, here's the shirts i drew up:

less rants; more raves

so i just noticed that a lot of the recent posts were negative. who wants to read junk like that? not you.

here's something cool that came out of those negative posts though: i'm gonna start making my own t-shirts. here's two possible shirts: and here's something i'll rave about. this show that rob corddry made called "Children's Hospital." it's hilarious and i like it. it makes me laugh. and laughing makes me happy. you can click here to watch it if you want.

salesmen

so i got a new phone today because every two years, the phone company gives me a new one. so i was just getting my stuff transferred and the guy behind the counter was like trying to sell me memory cards and phone cases and crap. i kept shooting him down, as politely as i could. then he kept bugging me about this GPS service. he told me all about it and i feigned interest so as to not hurt his feelings. then he said, "so you want me to set it up?" "no thanks," i replied. "here, i'll show it to you on one of these phones," he tried. "nah, that's okay."

he started to look really annoyed. "it's free for the first month." he said it in the same type of tone i remember hearing mean kids on the schoolbus use when they called other kids "retards." i explained, "yeah, but i don't need it." he didn't respond to that. he just looked at me with hate in his eyes and then finished setting up my phone. "here," he said as he handed to me. "it's all set?" i said with a smile. "yeah," he said without a smile. "cool! thanks a lot!" he didn't say anything else.

salesmen like him are jerks. their whole goal in life is to trick people out of money. they're like gypsies but less interesting.

more from Rob Braub

Rob Braub is back by popular demand. well, not POPULAR demand. but my friend dave faulk like the first one and asked for more ... so ... back by his demand.