bummer's disease

i don't think i've told you guys about this but i suffer from Bummer's Disease. bummer's disease was first discovered by Dr. Fredrick S. Bummer PhD., or "fred," as he commonly asked his students not to call him. fred was a professor of history at the University of Califlorida, a now defunct liberal arts school.

fred was always pretty down but when the university shut its doors for good, fred was especially bummed out. he stayed in his apartment for the rest of his life.

when fred died at the ripe old age of 99, scientists dissected his body to see why he was so bummed out all the time. they found a protruding lump in the back of his head, where his spine met the base of his skull. inside that lump was a peanut M&M.

apparently, certain people produce too much of a hormone which releases M&Ms into our body. this condition is known as bummer's disease. i've been told that my peanut M&M is really only about the size of a regular M&M. so, in theory, my bummer's disease is manageable.

some people think bummer's disease is a good thing. just when you start to think you're a real hot shot, you get a bummer's disease flair up and you remember all the reasons you're awful.

some people think bummer's disease is a bad thing because apparently when your bummer's disease is reminding you of all the reasons you're awful, it's lying or at least exaggerating. so it's making you feel worse than you really should feel.

some people think a lot of things.

if you or someone you know suffers from bummer's disease, give them a hug (if it's you, hug yourself. no one's looking).