Sunday, January 10, 2010

an open letter

dear dog across the street,

why are you such a dick? you bark really loudly. don't you know that i'm trying to watch television? i like to keep the television volume at 30 because it's an appropriate volume and it's a nice round number. but when you're barking like a dick all the time, i have to turn it up as loud as 38 sometimes. 38 is not a nice round number.

also, there's absolutely nothing happening outside right now. there is NO reason for you to bark. your hours and hours of barking accomplish nothing. you are wasting your life.

in closing, just knock it off.

i hate you,


Amber said...

(nobody's commenting on your blog)

dear schoolpants,

i've forgotten where i parked my car and wandered around my neighborhood like an idiot two days in a row now! i was even late to work today because of it. i use my key to honk the horn but one time it echoed down the street in a way that led me in the opposite direction, and the other time my car was just so far i had to walk around for ages in multiple directions before i could honk the horn. my question to you is, what's wrong with me?


Amber said...

oh also how can i not lose my car anymore?