Tuesday, December 30, 2008

houston's george bush intercontinental airport

before i forget to write it down, let me tell you: last week, on my way home for christmas, i had a two-hour layover in houston's george bush intercontinental airport that felt like a two-hour glimpse of purgatory. i had nothing to do and didn't feel like sitting and reading. i decided i'd find a place to drink a beer and watch the news.
i walked all over the stupid place (all over terminal c of the stupid place anyway) constantly having to step to the side to allow long golf carts loaded with obese/elderly people to pass. i walked past three stores that sold "western wear," one that sold fake native american artwork, a statue depicting an eight foot bronze george h.w. bush flinging a sportcoat over his shoulder like some sort of model in a j.c. penney shopping catalog, an interfaith chapel, a fox news channel newsstand (even they didn't have a TV), and about twenty-five vending machines. the whole place smelled like somebody just broke wind.
the only place with beer, that i saw, was this place called blue bayou or something like that. a louisiana-themed restaurant lost somewhere in texas. it was overcrowded with dumb-looking people and had zero televisions. so i gave up hope of finding a beer. another thing that i saw that pissed me off was this souvenir shop that had t-shirts, shot glasses, mugs, and other knickknacks that read, "don't mess with texas!" i cannot stand this slogan. such bullshit! the gall of this state trying to bully me!
and, to me, the slogan is ridiculous for two reasons; the first being: i can't imagine being bored and saying, "hey, let's go 'mess with' a state. let's prank call illinois or tie wyoming's shoelaces together! no, you know what state we haven't messed with in awhile? texas!" and then i'd go 'toilet paper' texas and the local sheriff would cut my feet off or something.
that's the other thing: this saying caught on because of texas's reputation for dishing out unreasonably harsh, and many times deadly, sentences for all types of crimes. texas puts more prisoners to death than any other state in the country. i want to drink out of a shot glass that celebrates that. yeehaw.

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