Thursday, December 11, 2008

i'm not very good at being a human

today, i woke up around noon and my stomach hurt from being hungry. i was so annoyed by my body nagging me to eat something. i didn't feel like preparing anything (i JUST woke up). so i ate a clementine. it was okay. but somehow it made my stomach hurt more. so i ate a banana. which made my stomach hurt MORE. so i drank some water and ate a protein bar.

this is what i do when things hurt. that's how little i understand my body. i mean, i know how to use it, i just never know what it's trying to tell me. so i just drink water and eat fruit and hope it stops. how people find the motivation to cook elaborate meals, and exercise regularly, and take care of themselves, is completely beyond me.

and it was another beautiful day in southern california. but i didn't really feel like going outside at all. so i read a bunch (finished a book), watched some tv (top 10 videos of the 80s on VH1 classic), ate some fish and chips for dinner (from the freezer). more tv. more reading. a little writing. a little video editing. and here i am, it's after 3am and i'm not tired. normal people have gone to bed by now. and they'll wake up in a few hours and start doing grownup things.

i don't understand such behavior. i can't even fake it. i try to get up and do things just to see what it's like. and i fail every time. i'm just not cut out for this stuff.

and i've never seen that robin williams movie "being human." actually, i'd never even heard of it until just now when i googled "being human," hoping for some advice.

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