Thursday, December 4, 2008

sleeping like a cowboy

here's the thing about living in the desert, it gets effing COLD at night. don't get me wrong, i like the weather here. it's december and still gets up to seventy everyday. but at night, it's foggy and COLD. so during the day, i leave my windows and bedroom door open, to try to get rid of my smell (see i have a smell, to read more about said smell) but then at night, i have to close all the windows and bundle up in my sweet long underwear that i bought at the army surplus store down the street. they make me feel like a cowboy. to get the full experience, i eat a can of beans and drink a pint of whiskey in bed. then, in the morning, i shoot someone and rape their horse.

you didn't know cowboys did that? so naive. you think it's like in the movies where cowboys just make out with each other all the time? open your eyes! cowboys lived for one thing and one thing only: to eat beans, drink whiskey, shoot people, rob banks, and ride and rape horses. and that's IT. that is ALL they lived for. in one word, cowboys are murderous, villainous, bean eating, horse rapists. no more, no less. sorry to shatter your little dreams, but grow up.

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